Published June 29, 2012
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140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Heyyyy, nice poem. I like the idea and all, but it reads... strangely. I feel like if you were to break up the lines so the rhymes would be at the end of the lines, it might flow better. And Rainn is right, it does need a bit more to it.
Yeah, I have been known for writing a bit strange and when people read it they are quite bemused. Thank you for the suggestion! I will try to get back to this poem sometime and try it out. xoxo
Hello! You have an interesting poem here.
For rhyming, I think you are doing okay, but I don't know what you where going for here.
It flows okay when I read it, but something about it makes it hard.
I like the story behind this. It is creative, but it needs more to it. More than just her arms, I think maybe you should add more if you feel inspired.
I really do like it!
Good Job!
~Rainn
Thank you so much for the feedback! This was an old poem I wrote that I submitted to see what feedback I'd receive. I've been known to have a weird way of writing and when other people read it they feel just as you and katiehorsie said. I might revise this poem sometime. Thank you! xoxo