Published December 5, 2009
All she had was all she was gonna get,
but it was not enough to get her upset.
She was more then an empty believer.
She had more in store than being an achiever.
-
But her head was swimming with sorrow.
Her mind was filling with hope for a tomorrow
Better than the day she was living in
but that better day never showed its grin.
-
And so the next morning a bitter lady rose
and put on her no more than ordinary clothes.
Still that characteristic hope was evident in her stroll
Nose testing the air, full control.
-
One day her hope started to waver
as she wasn't sure what she should savor
That day she admitted the intense detest,
but he wasn't all that impressed.
-
For he had known it all along
he told her, keeping strong.
Not telling him the whole truth,
she held him in his blissful youth
-
And he never asked her once more
if her head was still sore.
And she was never able to tell him
she couldn't keep on this swim.
-
Because the water was suffocating her
the waves of her life were becoming a blur.
Inside emptiness was eating her away
as her body started to decay.
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139,649 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Swimming takes courage for when we swim we go to a place where we're not really meant to- the waters. When we go for a dive, we try to store air first in our lungs so that we'll be able to stay in the water for at least a couple of minutes, but after that we'll need to catch some air again.
Thank you so very much!
I will take in your suggestions and I've always had difficulty with punctuation in my poems, so thanks for that too!
Hey there!
Just a few things:
(The word/s I wasn't sure of I put in bold and my explanation/suggestion in brackets.)
I really like this poem otherwise, and (as I've said in all of my reviews
I can't really critique this, so I'll just say that it might be better
without the rhyme. It just sounds a bit to forced.