Young Writers Society

Hello, Alice. I haven't done a review in a long time, so I hope this one's up to standard.

I like this poem. One can tell that it is personal, and that you're actually talking about someone, and with genuine feeling. That's the impression that I got, anyway.

Firstly, I have to say that I liked it how you didn't try too hard to rhyme, and you didn't overdo it (like I do sometimes).

Secondly, the lines have varying numbers of syllables, and their stress seems to vary as well. I don't know if you did that on purpose, but at first I thought that it would signify the storm going on inside the narrator's mind. And then I thought: they say that they've grown up, so why would there be a storm? But then I realized that growing up and getting over things aren't the same thing, and things that happen can sometimes leave lasting scars and change a person permanently. So, I think that it's a good thing for the poem.

Anyway, that's for the structure. Now, for the content, again I thought something at first, but then I changed my mind about it. I thought that what was the point of saying that you've grown up and you're done if the person keeps figuratively surviving for you. But then I realized that this poem is in second person. It's about telling the person all of this. So, it's like the narrator is giving the person reasons why it's done and over with.

The narrator never specifies what this person has done, but just leaves it ambiguous for everyone, also implying that the person who inspired this poem would find themselves in it on their own. However, I think that it would leave a more lasting image if you gave an example for how this person is washed of shame, how you tried to "kill" them, or maybe what has made you believe that they don't care. It's just an idea and a personal opinion of mine.

Anyway, I think that this poem is relatable on two levels. Now, I can't speak for everyone, but I personally can identify with both the narrator and the person who is the object of the poem (let's call them Ashley, because it's a neutral name). I've felt like I've had people who just didn't seem to care and who I had trouble setting myself away from despite knowing that they're bad for me. But also, I've felt like Ashley as well, and I've been a jerk to people and I've said some pretty bad things that I didn't mean and that I deeply regret.

So, I think that this poem can teach people something, if they just pause to think about it. If you've got an Ashley in your life, you should try to distance yourself from them because they're bad for you. And if you realize that you are an Ashley, you should be happy that your friends are moving on and trying to be happy; and you should work on yourself to be a better person, because maybe one day your friends will want you back, but even if they don't, you'll be cool enough to make new ones and move on to happiness yourself.

I think that, in the end, if the poem has made you feel or think about things or reflect on who you are and what you're supposed to do, it's done a good job.

So, I hope that this review is satisfactory. Have a nice day!

Hey AliceAfternoon! I just want to start off this review by saying oh my gosh was your poem amazing. I loved everything about it and the feeling of rage and acceptance of that rage was amazing and not something you see very often in poetry.

I do have some critiques, though they are very minor.

When you say

I try to confront the problem, but you're just washed of shame

And I am lost for words

Helllo, Alice (hope I can call you that)!
I can definitely feel the "saltiness" of this poem. It has a rough and toughness in the outside, with an aggressive feel really proving that you are done with this situation. I really loved how this poem was set up, but to improve - and give deeper sets of imagery, description, and punctuation - is really why I'm here.
I'm pretty sure we can all tell this is a very well thought up poem, and ended very well for this sort of theme. To me, however, there was some confusion that stirred in my mind every now and then when I read through a line or two. Hopefully I can clear up what I was wondering or help improve somewhat on your poem.

This, below, was partly and issue for me in one aspect.

And I keep saying I'm fine,
but am I really fine?

And I'm not going to try to make it better,
because I'm done. I'm really, really done.
And I'm not jumping back into your child's play,
because sweetheart, I've grown up.

I really enjoy the level of sass in this poem <3

This might be the saltiest review, but here goes.

What did I like? Despite the arguably generic theme of a failed relationship, this piece did crystallise the emotions of someone going through one. I especially liked the fact it played with the typical formula of wishing for the person back by instead showing how the narrator has moved on. You're clearly an experienced poet, with a good level of mastery in terms of the text type.

The one thing I'd pick on is to me personally, the humour wasn't there. Yes, I can see it plays with form in the last stanza - with the last three lines in particular - and I applaud that. However, it needed to go further with the humour, something not unexpected for the type of poem, but rather something unexpected in life, full stop.

Anyway, they're my two cents, and don't let me stop you from writing (which I'm sure I won't), it's just this wasn't wholly my cup of tea. Never the less, a strong poem.

First of all hello I am rituparna, I am back after a very long break and this is the first review I am writing after my return so pardon me if its little rusty. Now coming to your poem I really like the way you should you showed your self consciousness against ur mind. The theme was clear and good. I liked the way you thought as it much agrees with my own thinking. But the part I would like to point out is that it needs some improvement. Your poem appears confused and fast written like a mere draft there's need of refinement. Next the part ''I struggle to scream...'' Is somewhat contrasting in the wrong way. It's like putting two boys in one sentence that only creates confusion. The starting of your poem was very interesting but unfortunately I can't say that about the end. It rather ended in a brisk. The title was also beyound my capacity to interpret or link. I would love if you explain its significance to me. Overall good work despite the little pros and cons. Keep writing and you'll surely improve much more and keep thinking this way as in a very long time I found someone thinking sobmuch like me so I loved the concept.

hey alice! fangirl here!

you know that i love all your works right? even love is an understatement... i'm sort of obessed with all your lovely works.

so this again was awesome! the title you gave it was even awesmoe-er (is that even a word?) the rhyming was good, your poem has an amazing rhythym!

this is really "salty" and ofcourse i loved it...

so yeah! great job...keep it up
FD46~

IMAO
This is the most amazingly titled poem I have ever seen. And I read "It's Freaking Spring." I actually am a fan of your slant rhymes, most of them seem to work very well. For a presumed vent poem, this is excellent. Better than much other vent poetry I've seen. (Including my own. Oh lord.) This seems like a crescendo of anger and being fed up hitting a person like a tidal wave. Which may be the intention, I don't know. Annyyway, I really liked this. ^^

~Joelsweet
(Ps- I am by no means a professional poet, lol)