Young Writers Society

Hi there AliceAfternoon! Niteowl here with Team Granger to (finally!) review this this fine Review Day! My apologies for not getting to my review requests sooner. I really haven't been in a good place to review and of course that's when people started requesting. Anyway, on to the review.

The first three lines...they're okay, but not great. I feel almost like they're warm-up lines, like they got you into the idea but they're not the main event. "I hate feeling homesick when I have no home" is just so much better and more connected to the piece as a whole that I would cut the first few lines and start there.

So why do I feel so homeless?
Is it this need to belong? To connect?

I've lost a lot but I've kept a smile

but what do you say to someone whose heart is broken?

King Here
Hello there, I am here as requested. I am sorry that I did not see your request sooner. I was having school and I was not in the best mood for anything at all.
Now to the review, I only want to ask how can you dance on a swing? Well, I understand that you can a bit but I still do not think you can do the two things on once. I hope you can replace the word 'swinging' so we do not have this word in different forms twice in one single line. For the feelings and emotions put in this work, the story told my this work makes me feel like I am homeless cat or something like that, that needs new house to stay in. This is really sad poetry in my opinion but it shows that not always we can find the place we belong so easily and we need to wander around. I like the faxt that you had left the thoughts of yours in Italic. It made me think "Oh, she is thinking this way." , so I am gladful you prefered it this way.
The only thing that I may want for you to double check and maybe correct is this part:
"but what do you say to someone who's heart is broken?"
I think you mean "whose heart is broken".

"Is this need to belong?" In this part something for me is missing but maybe it is only me. Maybe a 'the'.

Overall, thank you for requesting this.
It was really beautiful and sad at the same time.
Who knows when you will find your true home to stay in.

Hey AliceAfternoon!
This poem touched my heart. I'm sorry you feel this way. You did a wonderful job writing this poem. I can feel the emotion this poem gives off and the visual I get saddens me.

So where is my home then?
People say "home is where your heart is"
but what do you say to someone who's heart is broken?

Hey Alice. So when reading a poem that obviously took a lot of self reflection over time to write. It's hard to be that person that gives advice in these type of scenarios. Now I'm not saying that I won't because of course anything can get better. What I'm trying to say is that if you want to keep this poem exactly the same without changing or editing it I would understand as this poem is something special and I'm glad you shared this with all of us before you go on your hiatus. Now onto the review, in the 1st stanza you say "swinging in my swing" and I feel that the word swinging could be changed to another word that gives it more of a context or meaning as not to repeat the same word twice in a sense. Also I feel that the 1st and 2nd stanza could possibly be combined to have a better flow, but it can keep the italics to show that it's different. Now that's it for me, and I hope that this feedback was helpful. I hope that in this hiatus you can truly find yourself and learn to love poetry again whilst mending that broken heart.

Can't wait to see you write again!
~g1ldv