Published March 21, 2009
I'm just like my favorite quilt.
Full of memories,
Covered in random colors,
and the stains we call regret.
Not only is the patchwork semi-pretty
but it's all been done by hand!
So when you pull a thread too hard,
I'll come apart again.
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
Liked it. It had a nice message, and over all simile was good.
Especially the pulling the quilt apart.
The only thing I would change is, repeat that slight rhyme that spring talked about in the first stanza. It would make it flow better.
Other then that good job. 85/100
I corrected your punctuation... All this seems like talking about philosophy and stuff. You make statements that are true in this environment, but in some other, they'd be false...philosophy, as I said. I liked it. June said something about rhyme and I agree with her in some point. You could put one or two more rhyme...
Hiya Alice! June here!
There isn't much for me to say about this other than I extremely, really, terribly love this, I will star it, and read it often. Totally wonderful.
I think short poems are the best-- they're brief, and whenever they have "alot" in them, I love them. It's not easy to get so much feeling into such a little bit of words, but you've done it wonderfully here, dear.
Let's see. The only error I found here is this:
The proper form of "its" that you want to use here is it's to show the eliminated "ha" from It has, dear.
I love the very slight rhyme that was here. It's not too evident, and it's done perfectly. Well done, Alice!
And yes, I am having great trouble putting my thoughts into words.
Loved it, dear. Keep it up.
June
*star*