Achilles- Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a pretty nice little prologue here. It appears to be a slight spin on the old legend of Achilles, and this start definitely has some potential to be a fun little story to read here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It is true that your life flashes by when you are about to die. As the arrow flies, whistling towards my heel, I know it is the end. I see myself when I was an infant, just a few days old, sitting down in the center of a circle of the assembled gods. There was my mother, Thetis, standing proudly looking down at me. Then he who seemed the most powerful of all of them kneeled on one knee next to me and spoke.

Okay...cool, so this seems to be a bit of a rewrite of the actual legend of Achilles, cause from the direction that this one appears to be headed in, it seems to follow the actual myth that we all know. The names at least check out along with the gods situation.

“Achilles,” His voice was kind, but it seemed wild, untamed, like a thousand thunders all rumbling at once, “A war is to come when you grow older. The Greeks will invade the Trojans, and they will need a leader, a hero. We, the gods, have decided to make you the hero. But for that you must have a power that no other human has. You will be invulnerable to anything. But for that, you must go in the river Styx. You must be strong so that your soul doesn’t get pulled to the realm of the dead. You are too young to go to Hades, and too important. If anything happens, I am deeply sorry.”

Well..this one's a bit different from the version that I've personally heard, but this is a fun little spin on it. It's also a pretty good choice of scene her to be putting into the prologue of the story here. I think this is really off to a rather nice start here.

Even though I was really small, I still remember it perfectly. I would never forget how Zeus, the king of gods himself, had called me a hero. Even if I hadn’t done anything. Yet. I remember my mother giving me a sad smile, holding me by the heel, lifting me up, and sinking me into the river.

Hmm...this is a really nice little moment to build on there. I love how Achilles really seems to remember a moment like that quite so vividly. You can see just how proud he must've felt there to be called a hero.

I did not understand why was I doing this. Why were there people on the bottom of the river; people who seemed to have been there for eons. I could breath under the water, but I felt like part of me was slipping away into that dark pit of death. Then I felt the pain; pain that I would never forget. But I also felt as though I was healing. I felt like my skin was being covered with metal. I was stronger, invincible even. But there was my heel. I looked up to see it above the surface, suspended by my mother’s tight grip. I felt as if I was in full battle armor, and my heel naked. My heel being the only human part left of me. I still remember it perfectly.

I don't think I've ever scene this scene written from Achilles' point of view anywhere, so this is actually a really neat take on how something like that could feel. As far as I know, he was pretty young at this point, but I think in this one you've made him somewhat old enough to understand these feelings and the emotions you bring across here are pretty powerful here.

My mother pulled me up, my body dripping death liquid. Poison. The gods looked aghast. I was the only living human being who had ever survived the river Styx. The chances were minimal, but worth risking in times like those.

“Well,” said Zeus, “You shall start getting stronger, but your training will begin in a few years. Until then, farewell.”

And then lightning struck him, and he was gone. Then, one by one, the gods disappeared. At the end, there was only Thetis left, and she embraced me in her arms, her human warmth making me feel human again. But I would never be. And things would only get worse until the end. I closed my eyes, thinking about the future, and sunk into complete blackness.

Hmm...that's a nice little dramatic exit plus ending combo to finish things off here. I think overall you manage to end up with a really neat little ending to this piece here and overall, this makes for a pretty good prologue.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is a nice little prologue here. I think it manages to do its job pretty well here and at any rate, I find myself wanting to read more here. I feel like you're gonna stick to the usual story if the mysterious ending is anything to go by, but it feels like there will be a couple of twists here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Then he who seemed the most powerful of all of them kneeled on one knee next to me and spoke.

The past tense of 'kneel' is actually 'knelt'.

His voice was kind, but it seemed wild, untamed, like a thousand thunders all rumbling at once, “A

Since you aren't starting a new sentence, it's not necessary to capitalize "A" and "His".

I could breath under the water

That's "breathe".