18+ Violence Mature Content

The Black Billy Goat 1/2

by Aley

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.

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Just outside of Doberville in Darkside, tucked up against the vast Mountains of Trial, was the Planes of the Sheepmen. They went so far as to crawl into the mountain ranges, billowing over the lower hills and inclines. Tougher sheepmen could still make it into the actual cliffs, where rocks might slide down and slaughter a whole pack. They weren't sheep any more at that point, but that was home for the tall mountain goats, kin to the sheepmen of the planes.

About three summers ago, which must have been somewhere around 1974, the heard was coming close to Headless Pass, a great dip between two of the mountain's peaks. The pass had always been well guarded by nesting Eagles, which is why it was called "Headless Pass" but the sheepmen had never been up that far to cross onto the other side of the mountain.

Sitting around their small heard beneath the trees, they stared at the open sky between the dips of the mountains.

"Does the world end here? Have we finally reached the end of the world?" asked a young billy. He was well known for his exuberant energy and daring, so no one bothered to answer his questions.

"If we take much longer finding food, we'll not make it another month."

"But the world is at it's end!" the billy exclaimed, trying desperately to explain it to the gray beard who crouched with the other older pack members.

"We can't go back, there's nothing for us. If we reach a beat path we'll descend, but only until we can get across clearly," the reddish goat expressed, dipping his chin to stare at the others over his round pudgy nose. His thick curled horns glinted in the twinkling lights of the stars, some practically the size of fists making the sky glow green and purple.

"Hello!" whined the black billy. He wrung his tough gray hands, his shoulders up like he didn't need a neck. "Can't you answer my question! All the mothers tell us the sky don't show up like that!" He pointed towards the pass.

Finally a soft tan with spiked fluffy hair looked where he pointed. The tan sighed and shook his head. "Quiet down, there is nothing we are doing over there. We're staying over here. Don't you see that silhouette on the edge of the earth? That is death."

The billy jumped up into one of the nearby trees, popping from branch to branch until he was high enough to see what the tan was talking about. On the edge of the pass, there was a brief moment where the black billy could see a bulbous shape, and then it sank into the stone. the little billy goat frowned and started his careful decent from the tree.

Shuffling into camp, three women held bags out to the men. Each took it in turn and began to unpack, laying out their supplies and rations. Puzzling and questioning, each glanced at the others, mistrust clear in their eyes.

"Let's eat the dried cherries," the tan suggested first.

The little billy goat jumped over to a tall lanky black haired mom and grabbed her hands leaning into her waist to stare up at her eyes. She smiled down at him and ran her fingers through his thick curly hair. "What is it little one?" she asked softly.

"Is it true that death is over there at the end of the world?" he asked curiously.

"Ma!" bade a male to the black female. She snapped her sharp teeth at him in warning and smiled down at her child, gently petting his hair back.

"The prophets say that at the edge of the earth you could find two things, either nothingness where God has lost his will in you, and he crashes his land to meet the end of the world far below, or not at all, and there is sea, or he may bid you welcome to the new world, and gives you foot stands down."

"Do you mean that we've found the end of Darkside?" the billy asked as he fussed with his hair to get it back up how he liked. His mother chuckled and sighed heavily. "What if there's food there?" he asked as the adults continued to toil over rations and what would be best to eat, and to preserve.

"There is food in every world, little one, even if we cannot eat it."

The black billy stared at her in utter confusion, his head tipped like he'd just heard the sky wasn't full of stars all the time. The mother stepped aside and went to bicker with the others about how much they should eat. Finally it was rationed down to a small portion of almonds with a half stick of jerky each. Still hungry, the black billy began to search for other food around the area, wandering farther and farther away from his family.

He traveled nearly half an hour out of his family's reach pouncing after mice and eating what he caught whole. He noshed on some needles, and a couple vine leafs as well, but they weren't as satisfying as the bones and meat of the little delectable treats scurrying through the underbrush, so he kept his focus downwards until he came to the end of the trees. Staring out at the small bushes, he saw the pass again to his left.

"God will test me if I go there. God will test me," he whispered to himself forming a triangle with his fingers and thumbs putting it across his face. He looked up to the sky afterwards, the bright stars had whirled around. Now the sky glowed darker still, more purples, more stars, less light. He whimpered and wrapped his arms around his ribs, turning back into the forest.

"I'm not old enough to go out into the planes," he told himself again. "I'm not old enough to find the edge of the world."

A shadow swooped across the billy goat, and he dove for a bush, hiding on instinct. As he moved to peak out, another shadow swooped across him, as huge as a cloud, but casting a thicker cloak of night. Gasping in shock, he caught a brief sight of the massive creature heading towards his family. They were like a sideways cross moving through the sky, with long straight bodies that had a brief dent out in front and in back in the center.

Caught up in his awe, he barely registered that there were two of them! Two of these massive creatures swooped about the sky. They were like no birds he had ever seen, but if he had to call them something, it would be a bird. It had to be a bird. They were in the sky and they were flying!

Panic struck through him like an anvil and he raced back towards camp stumbling in and grabbing at his mother. "Birds! Birds! There are birds over the edge of the world!" he cried pointing back the way he'd come from. "Giant birds! They were bigger than a tree!"

"Calm down little one, calm down. What is it you saw?"

"I saw these shadows streaking across the land and I ducked into the bush. When I came out, there was another so I ducked back in the bush and they're coming this way! They're coming here! I passed them, I passed them on the ground but they're coming here!" He pushed away from her and raced around the camp bouncing off the rocks to gather the packs and haul them towards their masters. The adults looked towards the skies and ducked into the shadows.

"They're coming here, they're coming," he cried, but his cry did not come out.

A screaming shriek like terror warped from echoes crawled over their clearing and two people landed there. They stumbled from the large birds that swooped into the clearing, and stood as if always human on two legs with long swooping sleeves off their heavy cloaks of brown and white feathers. They folded their hands in front of themselves, the arms draping to the ground.

The bright yellow eyes on the hook-nosed humanoids peered into the darkness of the forest as if it were a sun-lit valley. They counted, nearly pointing to each and every one of the family until they began forward. "We can see you," said the male with his long hair of feathers falling like a cape from his head.

"Come out or we'll drag you out," the female suggested, ruffling her own plumage.

The red goat shuffled nervously, then carefully stepped around the bushes. The black mother shoved her son back farther, and also began forward. One by one, they broke cover and stood before these inquisitors as lambs, some holding bundles of their packs, others having dropped them in the woods.

Even the baby black billy walked out among the sun again and stood before death.

"The toll for passing is your supplies," the male said, pointing a long finger towards a bundle, stretching it out like he could already taste the food the family had saved for months, years even.

"It is all we have," argued the red goat.

"We're not looking to pass anywhere," whispered the mother.

"What was that?" Screeched the female. "What did you say!" she exclaimed hurrying towards the outspoken mother.

The goat stiffened herself and puffed out her chest as best she could, standing tall and leaning forward more, ready to charge. "We are not looking to pass!" she exclaimed at the challenge.

"Yes, you are!" The eagle head twitched like an owl. "You will pass if you give us food," it screamed again.

The black billy shivered and ducked his fluffy head, tugging at the mother's pant leg.

The males bustled up too, shuffling to protect the heard. One of the men finally made it between the two females squawking at one another.

"If we give you this, you'll let us go on our way?" the male asked, his hand on the bundle he held.

"All of them," the male replied, folding his hands in front of himself again.

Desperation washed over them like a wave. From one person to the next they glanced about and stressed quickly about the dangers of being completely without provisions. Flap-mouthed but scared, they submitted, slowly.

Each in turn of the three that had bags lowered them to the ground and pressed the triangle of their hands to their heads, index fingers touching the middle of their foreheads, and their thumbs touching their lips.

Backing away slowly, the family made it out alive from their encounter with death. The little billy stalked quietly at his mother's side, nearly weeping with fear as anger washed over the group, threading through the members gradually.

They stopped after nearly an hour of extra hiking for the day down treacherous footings back towards the Planes of the Sheepmen. "What did you think you were doing going closer to the peak?" demanded the red goat finally, smacking the black billy across the back of his head. The billy squeaked in pain and grabbed his head at the hard smack. "They wouldn't a bothered us if you'd just kept your butt put!"

The billy fisted his free hand and dropped his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered loudly. He didn't believe it though. They were already on their way before he moved in and saw them. He'd almost gotten them away in his opinion. Still, who was he to argue with the clan.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
rawrafied
Review

Hola! I'm gonna go sentence by sentence and pick out sentences that stick out to me, okie-doke? :3

Sitting around their small heard beneath the trees,
Commas around 'beneath the trees' because it can be extracted without interrupting flow and logic in the sentence.

He was well known for his exuberant energy and daring, so no one bothered to answer his questions.
I don't understand how these descriptions of the ghost deter the others from answering this particular question. He sounds like he's overreacting, not being adventurous.

Finally a soft tan with spiked fluffy hair looked where he pointed.
'Tan' as a noun, refers to the bark of a tree that produces the extract used to make tanning lotion. You should include another noun for a billy goat after tan to use it as an adjective. Also, commas around 'with spiked fluffy hair' because it can be removed and comma after 'spiked' because both adjectives describe the noun.

Don't you see that silhouette on the edge of the earth? That is death.
Liked the way the goat described this.

You have some nice vocab here, like bulbous and exuberant.

the little billy goat frowned...
Typo, 'the' should be capitalized.

tall lanky black haired mom
More than one adjective, should be: tall, lanky, black-haired mom.

The prophets say that at the edge of the earth you could find two things, either nothingness...
This comma should be a semi-colon because it's a concluding thought to the introduction.

...his head tipped like he'd just heard the sky wasn't full of stars all the time.
Great relatable analogy.

I'm going to stop here. Hope this was helpful. Happy Review day!

User avatar
CelticaNoir
Review

Celty here!

Okay, I have to say this before anything else: the story is wunderbar. As in, I love the idea, I love the setting, and even though the characters are goats, they're so solidly characterized that while I never forget that they're goats, I don't question their behaviour either. I also loved how you had a little bit of world mythology in there, so it felt like a bigger landscape than just this little group tormenting one little billy goat for being too inquisitive. You also have a wonderful writing style, but there's something you need to do to improve it...

...and that is, you need to pay attention to your grammar. Your spelling is pretty decent, but you have a lot of errors in your grammatical syntax:

Just outside of Doberville in Darkside, tucked up against the vast Mountains of Trial, was the Planes of the Sheepmen.


Should be:

Just outside of Doberville in Darkside, tucked up against the vast Mountains of Trial, were the Planes of the Sheepmen.



That's only the first line, of course. I'm not going to nitpick. However, a lot of this is scattered throughout the piece, and I decided to skim through and not pick up on the errors too much because I was fascinated enough by the story to want to read it. So basically, I love the way your story played out, but if you smoothed out the technical errors, it'd be much better.

Keep up the good work!

Celty.



There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket