Young Writers Society

Hello Alexhasbun56,
I hope this review reaches you well.

This was a really neat poem! I really enjoyed reading it, especially since it doesn’t follow the usual structure of a normal poem. The large spaces (intentional or not) between some of the stanzas added a cool artistic touch to it all. It gave the poem a sort of “breathing room” to process what just happened before you move onto the next stanza.
For the overall meaning of the poem, or at least my interpretation of it, I had to think about it for a bit before I got it. I think it’s from the narration of someone who is trying to untangle their life while at the same time getting drunk? I don’t really know. Although the addition of the person “Antonio” was interesting.

when the stream of light slapped it well

The use of the word “slapped” doesn’t really fit this line very well. It also confused me a lot, so I’d suggest using a different word.

I concoct pathetically

I don’t really know what you mean here?

The red liquid concoction makes it so easy

Then you say concoction, after 2 lines which sounds a bit repetitive

The biggest “issue” with your poem is the use of single word lines. I strongly recommend expanding them because it helps the piece flow a lot more easily. Now that being said, it’s okay to have a few single word lines here and there. It’s just when the entire poem is filled with them, it makes the reading clunky and a lot less enjoyable. (Trust me, I would do this all the time! But when I started to lengthen my lines my poems improved so much!)


Overall I found that this poem was neat! The storyline and message was a puzzle to figure out. The biggest thing you could work on is the length of the lines and that’s it! I hope this review was helpful and if you have any questions feel free to ask. Have a great rest of your day and keep on writing!
-Stellarjay