Please tell me what you think for each individual one :D
Love, Life... and Hurt: http://www.bubblews.com/news/600557-poem-love-life-and-hurt
Friendship: http://www.bubblews.com/news/562794-friendship-poem
Where?: http://www.bubblews.com/news/600581-poem-where
Everyday: http://www.bubblews.com/news/889286-everyday-poem
My friend: http://www.bubblews.com/news/607125-poem-friendship-dedication-to-jennifer
My friend 2: http://www.bubblews.com/news/607410-poem-friendship-dedication-to-amy
Goofy Birthday Dedication: http://www.bubblews.com/news/607414-poem-birthday-to-a-friend-dedication-to-korey
Thanks in advance for your feedback, please be as critical as possible.
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140,691 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
Hi there Alex and welcome to YWS!
Now, normally, I'd tell you to post the text on here, but as you've already stated the other site won't let you do that, that's fine. In the future, I'd think about posting here for feedback as you retain full rights and copyrights to your work and you can remove it at any time.
I had no trouble seeing them, so I went ahead and looked at the first two you listed. Both of them seem to suffer from the same big problem: the rhyme is dictating what you say. This is bad because it really limits your word choice and sounds forced. Rhyme can be a powerful tool if done well, but I'd consider using free verse in the future. You can then focus on creating better images and metaphors rather than worrying about the rhyme.
Speaking of images and metaphors, bring them in more. "Love, Life, and Hurt" is a ridiculously broad subject for a poem. In my opinion, poems that focus on these abstract concepts are doomed to fail because there is nothing concrete to anchor the reader. What sights, sounds, smells most make you think of this relationship?
Overall, I think you could do great things if you focused less on rhyme and more on imagery and a unique story. Keep writing and I hope you post something on YWS soon!
It's to bad about the blog rights, I'm sorry that you can't post them here.
I attempted to go read them, but I was informed of an error in the link when I pasted and copied it into my web-browser.
Do you have to be a member in order to access it?
I think that you would be better off just posting new works onto YWS, rather than giving us links to your work on another site.
I would like to read a review them, but I can't get to them, as I've already said. Sorry.
When I post them on that blog-type site, I'm giving them exclusive copyrights, so I can't have them posted anywhere else online :/
I agree with Empress. I would really like to read and give you a feedback. Just copy and paste.
Hi there AlexandruM96!
Just a small suggestion, I think people would be more likely to read these if you just post the poems on here too. You know, just copy and paste?
I'm interested to read them, the titles sound good.
Just a suggestion!
Bethan