restless one evening,
mother's worry takes over
and so, she approaches
the man who she knows
would surely understand
-looking for answers
to calm her down
Fate's wondrous retrograde
a daughter asks her dad
the childhood she once lived
questioning if this is normal
-disappearing for days
"Is he even happy away?"
her voice shakes, expressing
the vulnerable anxious feeling
she's had for a while now
Grandfather smiles at this
for he has wisdom to share
"All the times he called you
on starry but lonely nights
merely holding back tears
Dear daughter, how could
you have ever known?"
"Your absence shadows
his delicate growth, thus
the boy does what he can
to not miss you so much"
, narrates the wise man
"Betrayals, pressure and
overwhelming emotions-
he battles them all alone
For a fleeting escape,
he seeks out your voice"
, grandpa describes
"You did not suspect
any of those tough days
Yet you worry now, girl
when he's adapted and
finally made some friends
to keep him company
& laugh away the nights
that once felt gloomy"
, guilt stirs within mother
"Let him be, daughter.
He's found his place at last
-among peers you can't
displace; is his own now
he's finally moved on
So worry not & step back
He must be fine there
The fact he doesn't call
as often is a good sign
Doesn't need you anymore
Anytime he does call now is
only out of want and love"
, explains the grandfather
A horrified impression
spreads over mother's face
realising what she's missed
but also relieved that
nothing is truly wrong
Grandfather comforts her
as he takes his leave
"I've been you myself, dear
How do you think afterall
I know this much?"
Such a beautiful poem. And I mean beautiful. There were just so many things that I loved about it. I feel like parents, they worry too much about us, but for good reason. They love us. They want us to be happy and succeed.
When we were little babies, they probably wanted us to stay like that and never grow up. But life doesn't allow us to not stay the same. We eventually grow up, and all these little changes are happening all at once to us, and our parents start to get worried like the mother in the poem.
''Fate's wondrous retrograde
a daughter asks her dad
the childhood she once lived
questioning if this is normal
-disappearing for days
"Is he even happy away?"
The mother mentioned here is noticing these changes in her son. I think that when the son comes home from wherever he is at, college or school, the mother and the son don't talk as often as they used to which could really goes back to the title.
''"Your absence shadows
his delicate growth, thus
the boy does what he can
to not miss you so much"
, narrates the wise man
"Betrayals, pressure and
overwhelming emotions-
he battles them all alone
For a fleeting escape,
he seeks out your voice"
, grandpa describes''
The grandfather's words are really true. When they were young, parents didn't have to face the same things we go through today most of the time. They don't know how it's like to be in our shoes and it may be hard for our parents to understand.
I really enjoyed this poem, and I love the concept for it. I feel like I should have my mom read this so she can really understand what's really happening to me, and other young people so she doesn't get worried.
XOXO, lovelydove loves you
Thank you for the wonderful review, lovelydove!
I LOVED your reviewing style- it's so warm and humane. I appreciate your sincere efforts.
Thank you! ><
Hiiii, I'm going to review your poem using ocean terms. Let's begin!
The sea: So overall this seems to be about a mother worrying about her son's lack of calling. It seems he lives away from her, most likely college age, and is growing into his own life. But, still the mother grows anxious and goes to her family about it, who assure her he's fine.
The beach: I like the fact that the grandfather comforts her in the end. And, that the mother realizes that nothing is wrong.
The rocks: I didn't find anything wrong with this.
Alright that's it, keep writing and have a great day!
Thanks for the crisp review!
Hallo Alex! The 12 Days of Reviewing 2025 have begun. So I am back to reviewing poetry 😊
I suddenly get the feeling this is a mother asking about her son and I didn’t notice until now @.@Oh why the dash here? “-looking for answers“ It feels like a deliberate break in the poem. Would the man understand…the situation, that she’s looking for answers… or is he also just looking for answers?
*reads on* Yes the dash comes in the next stanza too. So…there is a meaning that I’m still puzzling over.
Btw this is the third poem in a row to give me anxiety. Can you all stop? =D
This time it’s the frantic way this second stanza is structured. I feel like there is barely any break, just a barrage of questions and vague phrases. It’s good but it’s not good for my mental state xD
Oh she asks her father but the grandfather answers. But we have switched from mom to daughter of the first two stanzas so maybe third stanza is someone new again?
Hm I am not sure I like how it’s “the wise man” and “grandpa” in the next one. I mean poems are a class of its own and I have no idea but I don’t like this lack of consistency.
Oh
Ah that is why grandfather. It is all the same person, I just got confused @.@
Still, I am left feeling kinda anxious after this xd
Hey, Tikaya! Thanks for leaving another great review. Let me clear some of the questions you raised-
Em dashes aren't the easiest to justify. I felt the narrative has a break of chain at those particular points, and so I used them to describe a change of thought (yet clinging to the same theme). I don't actually use them often, so I admit that I might've used them wrong. Anyways, that's all I have to say on that.
Next comes the family relations. I do apologise for the vague dialogue. I certainly could've done that better. The passive protagonist is a teenager living away from home. In this poem, his mother grows worried when he doesn't call her one night. The distance and deviation from his usual habit are valid reason for this, but she ends up overreacting. She seeks oit the counsel of her father (the protagonist's grandfather) as to what could be the reason for this ignorance on his part. The old man, having been in her shoes as a parent of a teen decades ago, gives her the wisdom she desperately needs. And so the cycle od parenting and teaching keeps turning. The references 'mother' and 'grandfather' are made to the protagonist and the same goes for the woman and old man. Hope that clears it all up!