It was a peculiar thing, it was. It was a terrible thing indeed, but immorality was all it had ever known. And it tore away at the basic morals of man. It eroded the simple things that make us human rather than animal. It started wars, it did. And yet there was no regret.
It was a thing of secrecy. Often hidden behind closed doors, it lurked. Those of powerful minds saw it for what it was, and attempted to cast it away from their lives. But it could not be banished, nor could it be quenched. It was like a dog looking for table scraps.
But its intentions were never pure. It was coated with sugar, but its core was ever so rotten. It chose its victims at random. And there were lucky few who managed to tear away from its terrible grip. We all know this familiar creature. It remains in our hearts since birth. It is a gift from him cast from above.
It existed for centuries, yet it never grew old. It remained because those it struck gave it life. It fed off their very being. It tortured their minds, and it easily overcame their thoughts. It very swiftly took control of many people in positions of power. It knew that if it could get to the heart of the people, it could somehow force any others to succumb. And it did, just as it still does today.
We know this foul beast as temptation.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like the way you write about temptation as an animal and beast as it is.
It seems like a start of a book or a novel which deals with human fighting temptation.
However, I think it would be better presented if there was a story which covers all the facts that you wrote.
Great description of temptation, and how very true indeed. You did a good job of making the beginning third-person and toward the end winding up the we, making it more real and alive. There was only one major grammatical thing I have seen in this, though there may be some minor things. You began quite a few sentences with conjunctions without expanding on them. This makes it a dependent clause, which is illegitimate and can distract the reader. I did not pay so much attention to punctuation, so if I were you I would check that. The full power of temptation and sin is hard to fully, entirely speak of, but your description were very artistic and well said.
One powerful thing I would end this with is the hope of THE Light. Something to this affect, "However, there was one, a hope. He came, He paid, He raised, He reigns, and yes, even now He saves these helpless, tempted human beings, us. He saves the humble, and the ones who see their need for Him. He is... the one hero who ever lived."
Perhaps it needs a lot of work, but it is an appropriate ending to this power piece you have written. Keep on writing and editing, writing and editing, writing and editing. It never fully stops, but the best part about this passion/job/hobby is that we are gifted with the ability to mentally experience other worlds with our imaginations. Don't get discouraged man, the only thing that can happen, if you keep reading and writing, is that you get better and better.