Published July 3, 2011
"Shut up," I mouthed.
No. Make me the hero and I'll consider it.
I twisted a hair around my finger, deep in thought. I was starting a new story, but I didn't know where to begin. All I had in mind were the characters. It seemed as if they already had wills of their own, pestering my mind. They were not real. Merely figments of my imagination. But oh how they annoyed me.
I chewed on my pencil and stared down at the blank paper. I heard voices inside my head--the characters.
C'mon. I'll be a big hit. Make me save the day, begged a story character in my mind.
"Ugh, would you just leave me alone? I'll try, okay. But I have yet to get started!" I said aloud. Silence followed. Then a new character voiced his own thoughts.
Can I be the villain?
I let out a deep sigh. "No."
Please?
"Another word out of you, and you won't be a character at all," I said, exasperated. This shut up the wannabe villain. I took my pencil out of my mouth and put it to paper. I wrote one single word: the.
A chorus of voices inside my head exclaimed excitedly, He's starting! He's starting!
I smirked. My fingers dropped the pencil. I grabbed the piece of paper in two hands. I then promptly tore it into several strips and crumpled them up. This could wait until another day. I stood up and walked away, leaving the characters in my mind utterly...speechless.
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140,636 Literary Works • 673,573 Reviews
I love the idea of this short story, I've never seen a piece about this. I love all the perspectives you could see in this work of art. You included not only your aspect and emotions, but the different characters, the experience of going through writers block, and the wanting to be a brilliant writer (taken in by the lust of how the first character wanted to be the hero, how it'd be a "big hit"). I love how you tricked the characters in the end; that was my favorite part. Truly brilliant.
I'm sorry, but I must say, I have to critique!
Great job.
-Coley.
Excellent piece! I love the original idea. It's very intriguing. Great length, too.
Hey there, AlexT! Here for at least one of many reviews I definitely owe you! (you can just shoot me a PM with links to the pieces you would like me to review. And you can use them whenever you want so if you want to hold on to them for a while, then go for it.)
Anyways, as far as the story goes, there are two things.
Dialogue
Dialogue is super important throughout a story because the voice of a character can often be one of the best ways of giving small details about a characters personality without actually handing the details over. You have a basic character and I’m guessing a younger one at that. But the dialogue feels very clumsy and old fashioned which confused me. Lines like: “But I have yet to get started.” The use of “yet” just caught me off guard with this line. So definitely make sure that the dialogue of your character matches the personality, lifestyle, and upbringing of the character.
“Brevity is the soul of wit.”
At least that’s what Shakespeare said and I’m inclined to agree with him. He’s old. You can trust old people…anywho… I have to really commend you on using this as a way to add to the quirky, comedic attitude of the story. It’s short, sweet and to the point. A few extra details would have been nice including the setting and maybe the characters besides just their basic characteristic stereotypes. But the lack of those things didn’t distract from the simple, ironic voice of the story.
Anyways, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them! And congrats on being a winner winner chicken dinner!
~lilymoore
Good job! I liked this - it's very light and sweet. Very funny - and I can relate to it!
Haha I'm still smiling =)
Awesome!!!
Two thumbs up!
Amy
I really like this. It's so true as well! It happens! I love the excitement of the characters, the voices of them, the way they pester you. I think it's a really good piece to identify what every writer goes through at some stage. Good job! It's a nice piece, satisfying, not too long, and with all the correct grammar and sentence structure and punctuation that makes something READABLE. I would be happy with this piece if I were you.
Okay...give me a moment to get over how amazing that was...
Okay, still not over it but I can talk now XD.
That really was great and I can totally relate. At least it's not just me who hears the voices...
Bravo!
All the people (characters) in my head are laughing.
~FW~
This is funny. I like how it reminds me alot of myself.
I liked it a lot. It was very funny and anticlimatic at the end. I feel the same way also when I'm writing a new story, except the old characters try to put in their input when I do. Haha, the only mistake I found was there should be their. Grammar is good and I simply loved it. I could read it over and over at this rate.
Which makes me realize that I need to get started on writing.
Ciao~ I hoped this review helped, if at all!
-Nana
XD And I thought I was the only one who talked to my characters!
I like this piece a lot. Sounds exactly like me when I'm stuck on a beginning and just have a general outline. I didn't see any grammar mistakes, so I think your good!
Great job,
-Brie
This was very cute. It was almost metafiction, which I like. I liked how the piece was short and sweet, some tend to drag on and on. Sorry this is a bad review, I just really liked your story.
-Kels