Published February 20, 2013
.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,401 Literary Works • 673,157 Reviews
tl;dr
I don't understand the story behind this wonderful dot, but I think it's a creative shot. Or maybe the Internet connection is playing tricks on my vision so that all I could see is this dot. I don't know what to say, actually. I guess you're a minimalist.
.
All I see is a .
Well done. While this piece could easily be read as a person giving into his own conscience, it doesn't really matter because the path to becoming a more "wholesome being" will be the same in a general sense.
You did a great job here of conveying the visceral, almost angry reaction many of us have when we know we we're doing something wrong and have to stop.
This is a bit distracting. I think "jingling" would work better since you described it as a "wonderful" voice.
I'd say that this piece reminds me of Puritan writings (minus all the damning), in the sense that the narrator is quite passionate (subtle use of exclamation marks) about what is happening to him as he experiences these fits of revelation.
Nice work overall,
M.