I really need some help with this. I'm taking a college writing course and we're working on a research paper. By the end of the week I have to have a "first draft" of sorts. It's really weird... the order in which we're doing it.
We have to write at least four body paragraphs for our paper, and the introduction, and a sort-of conclusion. We're not allowed to include our solution for the conclusion yet, for some reason, so it has too be... an inconclusive... conclusion? I don't now, it's really weird. But I thought anyone who reads this should know that I am aware this is not anywhere near finished, theses are just the pieces we are supposed to have assembled and submitted by Sunday.
So, please read what you can and tell me any mistakes or awkward sentences that jump out at you and I'll appreciate any constructive criticism any of you have to offer.
Thesis: There must be a better system in place to keep children from being exposed to the explicit language that is prevalent in much of today’s music.
Society generally frowns upon people swearing in front of children, but there is a grey area when it comes to the music many children are allowed to listen to. It seems that there should be no issue, since most people agree that children should not be subjected to inappropriate content. However, people may have different definitions of the term “inappropriate.” Profane language is becoming more and more acceptable to a lot of people, especially in music. Some people point out that young children won’t even know what the words or terms refer to, so it is okay for children to be exposed to them. In developmental psychology there have been many studies that show how what children are exposed to at young ages sticks with them and it can affect their personalities and behaviors (Koss, M. 1998). Taking this into account, people should be more careful about what their children are allowed watch and listen to.
Even the smaller things that are part of a child’s nurture, such as the tv shows he or she watches or the music he or she listens to, have an effect on that child’s development. The process of childhood development can include everything from sensory awareness and fine motor skills to language and socialization ability. It is strongly influenced by a child’s genetic makeup, cognitive skills, and environment. Notice that the environment is one of the three major influence that affect who and what a child will become in the future (Carlsson, 2008). Outside influences, or “nurture,” is the influence of external factors after conception- the product of exposure, experience, and learning (Schaffner, 2001). A person may be exposed to many types of lyrics and genres that play a role in shaping their future, possibly more than many people realize. It is very important to make sure that the lyrics young people are listening to are not exposing them to inappropriate subjects, or encouraging destructive behaviors. Music can affect a child’s behavior through to adolescence even to adulthood, and it can affect their personalities greatly. But where is the proof of that?
If it is true, that outside influences, such as the music one listens to, can cause the development of different traits and behaviors, then human personalities must be able to change. The term personality has been defined in many ways, but as a psychological concept, there are a few main meanings that have evolved. The first pertains to the consistent differences that exist between people, which is the part that is relevant to this topic. Personality can be described as a set of distinct behaviors that each person develops, but it can be influenced and change over time. Many aspects of any adult’s personality can be explained by their childhood experiences, since there are many studies that prove that childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future behaviors. One study that demonstrates the negative effects would be the Adverse Childhood Experience Study (Koss, 1998). The affect of childhood experiences is a well-studied area in developmental psychology. In addition, it links to what scientists know from studying other species. What happens to calibrate children to their environment falls under the umbrella of what’s called “life history theory” and it changes everything (Kaplan, 2004). Once it is understood what life history theory implies, then questions about what caused any given trait in a person are more easily answered and understood.
Some would question wether or not it is the artists’ fault when children are hearing the explicit language in their songs. It is not the artists fault that children are listening to their songs unless they are specifically marketing towards children. It is not the rapper’s fault when he uses stereotypical rap lyrics and a child listens to it. He was most likely targeting a more mature audience. However, if an artist knows that their fanbase is primarily made up of young children, they are already aware that those young children are going to hear whatever they put out and, for the benefit of their supporting audience, they should refrain from using the typical amount of profanity (Fox, 1995). There is a pretty shocking amount of swear words in modern music. In fact, 1 in every 234 words in lyrics is a swear word. This changes depending on the genre, but it’s still a staggering amount (Rodman, 1990)
One might think that children don’t have that much control over what they listen to nor do they have that much loyalty to a particular artist in the same way as they wouldn’t care about having a specific brand. However, according to Direct Marketing magazine, by the age of eight, children make most of their own buying decisions. Children can often recognize brands and status items by the age of 3 or 4, before they can even read. One study found that 52 percent of 3 year olds and 73% of 4 year olds "often or almost always" asked their parents for specific brands (Fischer 1991). Advertisers recognize that brand loyalties and consumer habits formed when children are young and vulnerable will be carried through to adulthood. Kids `R' Us president, Mike Searles, says "If you own this child at an early age... you can own this child for years to come.” Experts say that children don't understand persuasive intent until they are eight or nine years old and that it is unethical to market towards them before then.
Children are our future, and what the are exposed to now, affects who they will become later in life. They should be protected from inappropriate content, since they are so impressionable. However intelligent they may be, they are easily influenced. Their brains and even their cognitive abilities are not fully developed. There are questions about the ability of children so young to understand the explicit lyrics of a song and its intent and not be affected by it. It is for these reasons that musical artists marketing to children should be carefully restricted. In particular, genres or artist’s aimed at children under the age of 9 years old, including promotions on the internet and during children's television programs.
Schaffner, K. (2001) Nature and nurture. Current Opinion in Psychiatry (14:5) 1-3.
Gangestad, S. Kaplan, H. (2004) Life history theory and evolutionary psychology. Department of Anthropology, University of New Mexico pg. 15-27.
Koss, M. (1998) Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study American Journal of Preventive Medicine (14:4) pg. 245-258
Carlsson M. (2008) The playing learning child: Towards a Pedagogy of Early Childhood, Scandinavian Journal of Educational Research (52:6) 623-641.
Fox, Roy (1995) Manipulated kids: teens tell how ads influence them, Educational Leadership, (53:1)
Rodman, Gilbert (1990) Everyday I write the book: A Bibliography of (Mostly) Academic Work on Rock and Pop Music. Journal of Popular Music Studies 3:2, pg. 12-19
Searles, Mike (1995) Quoted in Jacobson and Mazur, Marketing Madness (Boulder, Colorado: Westview Press, 1995), pg. 21
Fischer, Paul, Schwartz, Meyer, Richards, John and Goldstein, Adam (1991) `Brand Logo Recognition by Children Aged 3 to 6 Years: Mickey Mouse and Old Joe the Camel', The Journal of the American Medical Association, (266:22)
To make this easier to review, you can just answer these questions:
1. What are two strengths of this essay?
2. What are two weaknesses of this essay?
3. What is one thing, according to the rubric, this writer missed or could improve?
4. What is your overall advice for improving?
These are the rubric requirements...
let me know if you think I did what it asks...
Start with an introduction that:
1. Draws the readers in by using pathos and ethos – painting an image that moves them emotionally
2. Contain a thesis with your Subject, Opinion, and Solution
3. Identifies how the topic is relevant to the audience
4. Avoids telling what you will tell
Write body paragraphs that...
Teach readers something substantial and new to help them understand the basics of your topic
1. Contain specific details and examples for clear explanations – including defining any technical terms, jargon, or acronyms
2. Include research in each paragraph to support the explanations
3. Ensure that this research is from valid and reliable sources
4. Include a properly formatted in-text citation and matching reference for all research
5. Follow up all research with a personal interpretation that explains the relevance of the research to your thesis (In other words, what does it say? What does it mean? And why is it important?)
6. Use transitions wisely to connect your ideas
7. Avoids telling what you will tell by using these directions to write your sentences
Write an ending that...
1. Avoids saying "In conclusion..."
2. Lets the reader know why what you are talking about is useful
3. Ties the conclusion to the introduction by referencing the strategy you used to engage readers
4. Fulfills your purpose by leaving the readers with information that will inspire or motivate them to think or act
Ensure that the essay uses proper:
3. In-text citations
4. Matching references
I know this is a lot. But any little bit of help would be wonderful. Seriously.