It was a cold Novemeber evening in Massachusetts. Genni sat on her couch, the crunching sound of popcorn under her teeth. She was watching Freddy vs Jason. As she sat there, scared to death, she truned down the volume.
"I hope this hasn't woken up Maybelle." Genni whispered to herself. She hit pause on the remote, and crept up the stairs. There were no crying noises. But to be sure, Genni slowly opened the door to a crack. It creaked like it was old. When really, they just moved in.
Satisfied with the baby, Genni sat back down to watch the movie. Jason pulled Freddy's arm off, the one with the glove on it. Blodd pouring out of his mouth.
"Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark!" Genni giggled, cringing at the sight. It all evolved into something even more gruesome. Freddy's own arm get's plumeged into his chest, leaving him vulnerable to Lori, who decapates him.
Genni turned off the T.V a nd sarted to wash her plate from dinner, and the popcorn bowl. As she placed the dishes in their proper place, she heard a scream outside. It made her shiver.
"Oh...That is soo freaky." Genni thought to herself. "And I just watched a horror movie." She pulled the blinds up, to see a girl lying in her yard. Genni, only in shorts and a t-shirt, stepped inot the brisk air. With gooseflesh now forming on her, she slowly walked. The smell of blood got stronger.
Genni took one look at the girl lying there, and saw a large machete sticking in her back. Genni pulled it out, and flipped the girl over. Genni backed up, at a lost for words.
It was Lori, the girl from the movie. "Holy Crap!" she whispere. Lori's eyes shot open. Genni screeched. Lori pointed at the house.
"One Two, He's coming for You....." she muttered. Then fell dead in a heap. Genni slowly started to back towards her house. Turning to face the door, she saw a figure staring out the window. He seemed large for size.
Genni started to sweat, even though it was fifty below out. The window shattered, and Jason Voorhees stood before her. Same as he looked in the movie. A scream tried to cut it's way out of Genni's mouth, but all that could come was a small, "Ah."
Her feet carried her through the forest, as she doged both ways, missing trees. The forest seemed so long and so never ending.
Thud! She fell onto her back. Tears stung ehr eyes as the massive form of Jason appeared. "Please...please don't hurt me!" Genni cried. Sobbing actually. Jason shook his head and said, "Genni, oh Genni. You stupid little ****."
Genni stopped crying. And stood up now. Braver.
"Jason doesn't talk dumb***." Genni scoffed, stepping forward. "Jason" nodded and said, "Oh I know that. But I talk!" The Jason figure started to shrink. His mask sunk deep inot his face, bacoming less black, and more burnt. His ripped clothes became a red and green striped sweater.His right hand had claws coming out of it, and a glove surrounded it.
Freddy Krueger now stood before her. Genni smiled. "I'm not asleep! I would know if I was. It wouldn't feel soo.." "Real?"Freddy laughed. "Oh Genni...I thought you would be soo smarter. You do know that I can make it seem like your not dreaming. And what seems like reality, isn't." He cocked his head, that evil grin on his face, that spark in his eyes. His eyes, uncomfortable and cold. Unforgiving.
Genni watched as the forest melted, and metal walls replaced the oak trees. How steam replaced the fog, and how boilers replaced everything else. She tried to run, but Found herself chained to the wall.
"Argh! Help someone wake me up please!!!" She felt like screaming. But instead she said, "How do I know this isn't just a regular dream i'm having because I watched the movie?"
Freddy smiled. He turned and walked away. She could hear him scraping those claws against the walls and pipes. SGenni felt the hot steam it her face. And worst off all, she knew he'd be coming back. He did. Freddy did.
Holding baby Maybelle. Genni felt sadness, fear, and anger rise into her system.
"DON'T YOU DARE HURT HER YOU B******!!! F*** YOU MAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! DON'T YOU LAY ONE RAZOR ON THAT GLOVE OF YOUR'S ON HER HEAD. DON'T TOUCH HER, DON'T LOOK AT HER, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HER!!!"
Genni burst. Her feeling's for her sister were strong. Freddy Laughed and said, "You said you wanted to know. Here's your proof." He tossed the baby into the fire. Genni could hear her screaming and crying. But not for long.
Genni imagined it happening. So vivid. "You said you wanted to know..." Freddy started, but stoopped. He saw Genni was laughing. "And might you tell me what is soo funny?" He asked, angered. "This is soo not real." she said between laughs. Freddy glared, and lifted his right hand. Genni stopped laughing immediatly. Freddy pointed on razor, poking the baby's head. It went deeper and deeper until the baby was no longer breathing.
Genni jolted awake on the couch. She ran upstairs to the baby. It was horror. The baby had been stabbed. Genni cried, wishing she hadn't denied him.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this seems like a pretty cool idea, not exactly the most original in the history of ideas but a pretty cool little short nonetheless. The twist was also supremely twisted and really hard to predict which is always good rather than it being easily predictable. The earlier foreshadowing, especially with the title was also great.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Not going to point all the spelling errors because someone was kind enough to do that already. The start...works. Setting properly establishing and a good mix of the senses to really help get immersed in there and that's lovely to see.
Well...actually brand new things can creak too...only things used for some time but not too many times are usually smooth and soundless.
That's definitely going to leave a mark.
Uh oh...that does not sound good.
And wow what a twist. The setup was amazing...the title was great at the foreshadowing and this final twist works out really well.
pretty realistic reaction to that right there.
Okay...well that was an interesting line but...really nice description there again as to what happens in the scene.
Genni stopped crying. And stood up now. Braver.
Okay now I'm thinking more things...my original theory about this might be wrong...let's see.
The best part is you don't...or do you.
Well okay now that's all kind of out of the window if she's going to be feel things...but some pretty cool descriptions so far.
Well now that is some very serious imagery...
Well that was a sad ending...my theory was kind of right but then also mostly wrong...ahh...so many twist in this one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall there was some good description that really added quite a bit to this, the dialogue was a bit much but then considering those movies that's about par for the course with them so not too much to worry about there. A pretty solid piece.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yeah my computer is dumb. It doesn't let you fix anything really. So if I type to fast and mess up, I have to either start over, or leave it.
November is spelled incorrectly. Look at the way I've spelled it.
Vs should have a period after it. It's short for the word verus. Truned should be turned.
Comma after Maybelle, not a period.
Blodd is supposed to be blood.
And is one word.
You forgot the D to whispered.
I would rewrite this like this (Haha): "One, two, he's coming for you...." That's right, comma after each. No capitalized you, only four dots.
Her not ehr.
Okay, this is writing, not screenplay. I would actually use the cuss word, and post this as PG-13. Or warn us in the subject. 'Kay?
Sane with the quote above, it's okay. Just tell us it's got language in it or rate it PG-13.
Inot should be in. Becoming with an E not an A.
Found shouldn't be capitalized.
I'm has a capitalized I.
No S in front of Genni.
Okay, see, by putting stars instead of the actual word, we won't get what the cuss actually is. As I said two times before, just place the word and rate it PG-13. Yes, remember?
No capitalized laughed.
No double O in stopped.
Immediately. Not the way you spelled it.
_________
Other than that, it sounded good. But a little cliche, if I were you, I'd actually make it into something unique, but with the same theme. Do you understand that? That's what fan fiction really is, after all, taking something you like and making it your own. It sounded a whole lot like the movies with a few changes. Poor baby, is what I thought at the end! xD But good job.