Published March 16, 2007
*Deleted for re-working.*
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Thanks for pointing that out ShadowTwit!
You're not being nosy, no worries!!
Yes, I do have a scar from being burnt last October. It's on my upper arm on my left arm and although it was superficial burns it has left me scarred for life. It's very noticeable as it is a large area, however, if the skin tans over a long period of time (several years) most of it will go down, leaving only patches of red new, skin. So, yes this is all my own thoughts and feelings!
Now that it is summer, although you can barely call it that here in England, I'm fine with it and have grown accustomed to people asking and looking. I no longer see it as ugly, it is a part of me now!
Sorry about that long lecture, hehe, but thanks for asking!!!!
Alainna
xxxxx
I don't mean to pry, but you said that this is true and personal. Do you have a scar, then? Is this your own experience? Sorry, if that's being nosy.
You don't need that first comma between me and into.
I love the emotion in the this piece. It's very deep. At first when I read it I saw it as just a physical scar, and then I realized that it was something much deeper than that. Cheers, to a great piece.
Thanks guys!
I agree completely that it could do with being structured in a different way, maybe as a poem.
There is a lot more emotion behind this piece than what came across and I do need to try and improve it also in that sense, however at the time of writing the piece I couldn't quite get out what I was trying to say.
Thanks again,
Alainna
XXX
"I feel embarrassed, ugly, scared" - following from the first two I felt that it should be "scarred" but I wonder as to whether that is what you meant.
I agree with write me but I also think that this could be made into a good poem, it would not matter so much that it is quite short.
I also enjoy personal emotion pieces, but I just have a hard time seeing something this short go anywhere? It's more like a diary or journal entry that would really belong in your blog rather than on a forum. If you wanted to make this little bit into an actual story--or memoir--go for it, but as it stands right now it really isn't much.
Hello!
It's quite nice, but it isn't filled with quite enough emotions. Personally, I like emotional nonfiction pieces.
Also, since you seem to be talking to the scar, you could start off with "Dear Scar,".
Keep up the good work, though!