Young Writers Society

here for the review,

i liked the way you compare flower with yourself. I wad able to do imagine with your story.
Yes dreams can be act as wake up calls.

I feel like your writing is plain . Add some excitement .you can improve your writing if you add more information and more imagination .

you can explain how the waking up from the dream and going on the same road after having this horrible dream be possible.

if you want to convey the positive message you have to say it like he is changed now . The whole dream taught him lesson .he will not be as he was .

Also you yourself explain that flower was himself. Instead of that you wrote it like..
he woke up and start thinking. he felt like it was his life showing in front of him .
so try not write in simple way . make the audience think .just give some hint instead.

nice!

Hey! I like it but I have a question or two for you. What is 'it' supposed to be? Is it a character, a monster, or possibly the dream? Also, I believe you need more commas in the story. I see some of the sentences as fragments, is that how its intended? "It ran to just save the flower, but all was over by the moment, because the flower was crushed by a heavy vehicle."

Hey! I like it but I have a question or two for you. What is 'it' supposed to be? Is it a character, a monster, or possibly the dream? Also, I believe you need more commas in the story. I see some of the sentences as fragments, is that how its intended? "It ran to just save the flower, but all was over by the moment, because the flower was crushed by a heavy vehicle."

Hey! I like it but I have a question or two for you. What is 'it' supposed to be? Is it a character, a monster, or possibly the dream? Also, I believe you need more commas in the story. I see some of the sentences as fragments, is that how its intended? "It ran to just save the flower, but all was over by the moment, because the flower was crushed by a heavy vehicle."

Thanks for sharing this interesting dreamlike story.

Summary:

The story is about a dream where a flower is encountered on a road in the rain in a dream by an “it”. The problem is that the reader is never told what the “it” is.So the reader wonders why the writer calls it an “it” and not a he or a she.

The it approaches a flower described as beautiful. Someone picks it up and tosses it to the ground. Before the “it” can pick it up, the flower is run over by a vehicle. The it then wakes up perspiring profusely. The it then runs towards life’s destination, whatever that might be, smiles and starts dreaming again.

Suggestions:

As a reader I was constantly wondering what the “it” is. I was hoping for some clarification at the end via some hint, but it wasn’t provided. So I left wondering how describing the protagonist as an “it” benefits this story. I think that it doesn’t. I think it only serves to distract and confuse.

Here are some other suggestions:

“....tearlessly crying for someone.” [Economy of expression.]

It was walking down the road. [Redundant. Reader already knows because you just told him.]

One day it Was sleeping,[]lost in dreams, [then] it was walking down the road in rain

“....reaching [for] it's beauty.”

Also, describe the flower. Show us why it is beautiful. Is it a rose? A tulip? A dandelion? We can’t see it unless you describe it.