Okay, I know y'all are confused and wondering WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS ... but please, bear with me. If it's the omg-action you're looking for, it's coming, but it's going to take a few chapters. In the meantime, take a deep breath, and focus on learning all about Ianna, which is what all this lame political stuff is about.
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For the first time in days, Aedaan was asleep; there was nothing that required his immediate attention, and the bulk of his servants were gone, rendering the palace an oddly quiet place. He hadn’t moved from his throne; his head was drooped over one hand, his body curled awkwardly against the stone edges of the chair.
He was dreaming about peace—about a land in which he and the Talon king ruled together, with kindness and joy, watching their joined lands flourishing beneath their hands. As soon as this image assaulted him, he felt a cool hand at his brow, pushing aside a stray lock of hair that had escape the confinements of his crown; his eyes flew open, looking up at Ianna, and as soon as he recognized her, his muscles relaxed and a smile flitted across his features.
"Ianna," he said softly, straightening slowly as muscles left too long in an uncomfortable position protested. "To what do I owe this honor?"
"Another J’engar-ai," Ianna breathed, as Aedaan moved over enough so that she could sink down beside him. Should anyone find them, Ianna could be hung for the insolence of sitting on a throne when it was not her own—but she and Aedaan were close, much closer than anyone truly realized. "Is it true, Aedaan?"
Aedaan nodded peacefully. "Or so he says—but he has your family’s Talent, and the same honor-bound sensitivities."
Ianna grabbed Aedaan’s elbow, her cheeks flushed. "Think of it, cousin—this will not be J’engar-ai’s last breath!"
"I did not believe this was J’engar-ai’s last breath in any case," Aedaan replied, flashing her an impish smile. "You would not allow it to fade away, whatever your current thoughts on the subject."
"Hush," Ianna chuckled, nudging him with her shoulder. "Is he here, now?"
Aedaan nodded. "He’s in the sorcerer’s corridor. He’ll be the—"
"Don’t tell me," Ianna said sharply, biting her bottom lip in anticipation. "If he is truly of J’engar-ai blood, I will know." She rose from her position on the throne, stooping briefly to drop a kiss on her cousin’s forehead, then vanished, with nary a sound to tell of her departure. Aedaan stretched, yawning, and made for his bed; he was asleep before he hit the pillow, as he always was when his favorite cousin paid him a midnight visit. When his servants found him in the morning, he was smiling sweetly, a pillow held tightly in his grasp.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hmmm...while previous critiquer may be right about agents, I myself really, really like your story and think it's extremely intriguing and interesting. Some books have no action at all in them...what do agents do with those books? They still get published.
The world you've created is so unique. I read through your chapters and am now up to date, so continue posting, please!
Anyway, you did definitely have some info-dumping issues, but like you said, we don't know the history of the place very well. You'll need to go through and edit those spots to make them more smooth...when you do so, getting professional advice on how to include the information without dumping it on our heads would be very helpful.
Even through the info-dumping, though, I have to tell you I couldnt' stop reading. It was a very, very good story so far. A few little nitpicks here and there, but you're such a good writer, I'm sure they were just typos.
Au revoir~
Madame Kool
One thing I know for a fact is that agents aren't going to wait for the action chapter, no way. They want to be interested instantly or you're screwed. Readers care about the "lame political stuff" but we demand that our action and interest be put first on the list.
Good luck.
Aww! How sweet. Anywho good job...and don't worry, you don't HAVE to start with action. This is still interesting enough as is.
-The Jay of Green