Today a worthless person walks into your street
There are sorrows in me deep under
They say life flashes but soon crashes
I say, lets ace it till we burn to ashes
Hear this if u can, these tears cry for you
You my dreams in my sleep, you my rain you my spring
I haven’t given up, I am just too tired
But when I'll bounce back I'll set rain on fire
I try to live an abstemious life in this system
Like many others who have already become victims
They lie when they talk about democracy
They cheat, this ain't democracy its hypocrisy
We have quite a lot of enemies, less friends
We have been destroyed by our own companions
To remove the fire, there ain't enough water
We'll do it even if what we have is only a bottle
I am the eagle of Iqbal, the future of quaid
I have Quran in my heart, it's not so said
The world eyes me every moment
Today is not mine but tomorrow will be mine
We sing songs on the edges of swords
We take bullets only in our hearts
My every muscle is like a standing mountain
On the day has the night fallen
And from behind the tears sees the ray of hope
We cut ropes from edges of our nails
We will break the wrong traditions in our way
We left the butterfly in the garden to fly
And we saw, from our heart, the ray of hope in it
It is also possible that from our soft hearts
The wall falls from just two sweet words
In this desert has the bloom bloomed
And we made this possible on the edge of two-bladed sword
And even in the heart of a stone
Have we raised the ray of hope
Light of my eyes voice of my heart are you
You were you are you will be you
In your branches do I see the sky
Your sand am I fond of, I see the world through it
There is determination in my heart have I seen the dreams
Scattered are the hopes and I have collected them
Come on let's find it
Where the light ain't fire where the life ain't a question
But I have started to walk
Where I am there the opressors rule
How do I explain my sadness, my steps crumble, my weight heavy
Never will I forget you, how abstuse I am to start this
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there,
I really like your poem. Although it is more like a speech, it is powerful. The words and imagery you used are brilliant. I can tell you are really passionate about this and it's really uplifting. The only improvement I can suggest is to check your punctuation (i can't see any full stops) but like I said the content is amazing. Keep up the good work!!
THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Helooo. Welcome to YWS!
What drew me to your poem was the description.
I like the poem, but well have some issues with it.
It didn't feel like a poem.
There was rhyming, but no specific scheme to it.
This sounded like a rap, which I have no problems with, but as I wasn't expecting one when clicking open your poem...so... that has like...a weird vibe to it.
And are you from Pakistan?
The part about Iqbal and Quaid had me wondering. Not met a fellow Pakistani here on YWS, yet.
Poem rating. 7/10
Hassan
YEP from Pakistan. Nice to have see your review. I will Improve
I thought this was beautiful. It is informal though due to the use of "ain't" though I know ain't added more effect to your work. I liked how you were able to kinda put all the pain and sadness into your words. Just your words has taught me a lot. If you want it to be one of those types of poems you might read in English class, I think you should change some words. But I love the poem the way it is.
Keep writing!
xx
Thanks!! The bit about "ain't" i will bear that in mind And Thanks agian