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The gaping maw is full of opportunity

by Agoneus


The ship drifts through the vast cascading nebulae, the dust impacting the structure, chipping away small pieces. This was the legacy of perhaps the greatest space battle of known history, perhaps of all time. All that was left, a single vessel, with no jump drive, no shielding, and thrusters only capable of reaching low sublight speed. There were no living things on board, only corpses, a shadow of once been. The AI operates the vessel none-the-wiser, progressing slowly to Earth, to have its crew of heroes to bring the news to the glorious capital of the United Nations Confederation - The threat was no more, the galaxy is to return to an age of peace, prosperity...



There is no home to return to, but either way, nobody is left to care.



This is a tale of progress, the tale of the ceaseless march of science and technology. There was never any doubt that this technology was good, how could one let the enemy advance their technology to the point of ripping wormholes in stars, without making advances to counteract that such as the Dyson Beam?



It started a few years before the terminal battle.



The confederation's Naval Intelligence Office had secured something that would surely the end the long war between the two nations, the aggressors would fall to rubble, it seemed too good to be true.



A weakness in the enemy lines, which allowed a direct jump to the capital system, a single dyson beam could rip their capital world to shreds in under a second. And so, they took the opportunity, the war had extended too long, a strategic strike to the capital system would cripple the enemy, the fleet would fall apart, they could take their worlds without a fight.



The hundred of millions of crew required to operate such a vast fleet, the flagship alone having over a million crew members alone, were jovial. War songs were sung, cheerfulness swept over the entire fleet. Guns primed to fire, jump drives primed to engage. The Dyson Beam had been charged a few weeks prior, and after all the logistical efforts to organize such an offensive, the beam was to fire.



And then, it fired.



Immediately having jump drives engage alongside the beam, forming a field which shot the beam into their capital world in minutes.



And in an instant, without even one warning, billions of sentient lifeforms were brought to their death, this was an unprecedented act of force, the first use of a Class-10 Laser, nobody would've imagined such to ever occur.



The Confederation, in an act of ruthless might, had shown the enemy that no actions were off the table. That these Earthly tyrants were willing to purge entire planets for their own gains.



There could no longer be any compromise.



As the Confederation fleet jumped into the enemy's capital system, response fleets immediately emerged from the wormholes.



For the gaping maw is full of opportunity.



Shields up, thrusters online, crew prepared, officers stationed.



Fire.



Lasers, Artillery, Missiles, Wormhole-bypass bombs, matter deconstructors, ships engaging jump into the core of enemy vessels. Ruthless actions from both sides. More and more ships pooled into the fight, planets being shattered from even stray shots. Prototype Weapons of mass destruction emerged, dyson swarms once organized for energy, now shooting weapons of immense power shattering planets. Then, as quickly as it started, the battle ended. Both fleets, gone, simply disappeared.



For the gaping maw is full of opportunity.



Both sides suspected some sort of highly advanced weapon of destruction, both sides screamed that their enemy must be destroyed before this weapon is used too much, however, given the millions of habitats across star systems, surely, an extinction event could be avoided, after all, NOTHING could possibly destroy an entire galaxy.



This was a myth perpetuated by both sides, while they developed weapons to take out entire kilo-lightyears of space at a time, through inducing premature death of stars through gravitational manipulation, resulting in a shared cluster-wide supernova event.



For the gaping maw is full of our opportunity.



Covertly, such weapons were prepared, both sides believing they had the first strike capability, there could be no compromise. No compromise. No compromise. No compromise.

It was a glorious day, for this would be the day we would survive, we would reach into a new era of Utopia.



For the gaping maw is ours, and if it is not ours the-

........................................................................................

........................................................................................

[ATTEMPTING TO ESTABLISH SIGNAL TO OUTPOSTS]

[OUTER OUTPOSTS - FAIL]

[RIM OUTPOSTS - FAIL]

[LISTENING OUTPOSTS - FAIL]

[HABITATS - FAIL]

[DYSON OPERATORS - FAIL]

[PLANETS - FAIL]

[ATTEMPTING TO ESTABLISH CONTACT WITH OTHER STARSHIP AI - FAIL]

[SOFTWARE SHUTTING DOWN, RESUMING AUTOMATED COURSE TO PRESERVE ENERGY]





For the gaping maw is kind



It is truly us who is worthy of true fear.  


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479 Reviews


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Reviews: 479

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Sun Jul 30, 2017 5:58 pm
Holysocks wrote a review...



Hey there! Happy Review Day!

It's clear to me that you are in love with technology and action and all that awesome stuff that's in science fiction! You really seem to have a passion for descriptions and that's really cool!

When reading this, I wasn't entirely sure what the 'Maw' was. Was it the spaceship? I sort of thought it was, but then I thought maybe it was some sort of alien vessel or even the reference for the whole sort of universe or galaxy? It was a little confusing, and I think could have used a bit more explanation?

Something that I think added to my confusion, was that there wasn't really a character that I could follow, get to know, and understand your world with. It felt a little lonely floating through space, unsure of what was going on, and having no character to explain things to me. Also, maybe it's just me, but a story just isn't the same without a character. I honestly read stories to get to know characters, because I find them and their stories very interesting. So in a way, it doesn't really feel like so much of a story as simply a setting. What exactly is happening? Who's it happening to? Why should we care? I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying that I think this story would come to life a little better if it had some characters in it that we could empathize with or idolize- I love in stories like this, when there's a super awesome character who's awesomeness gets pushed to the max!

I think you have a pretty cool universe here, and I love the name "the Maw"- it's actually what drew me in to read this story! It has a really neat ring to it.

Anyway, keep it up, my friend!
-Socks




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252 Reviews


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Reviews: 252

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Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:02 am
myjaspercat wrote a review...



Hey there Agnoeus,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review.

I'm pretty sure I haven't reviewed a piece of yours yet so, welcome to YWS!

Line-by-Line/Nit-Picks


The ship drifts through the vast cascading nebulae, the dust impacting the structure, [replace comma with an 'and'] chipping away small pieces. This was the legacy of perhaps the greatest space battle of known history, perhaps of all time. You've used the word 'perhaps' twice in one sentence. Try not to become repetitive, very the words you use. All that was left, [replace comma with 'was'] a single vessel, [remove comma] with no jump drive, no shielding, and thrusters only capable of reaching low sublight speed. Make sub light two words or add a hyphen. There were no living things on board, only corpses, a shadows of [what had] once been. I like this imagery. The AI operates the vessel none-the-wiser, progressing slowly to Earth, to have its crew of heroes to bring the news to the glorious capital of the United Nations Confederation - I would end the sentence here, so replace the hyphen with a period. Also, using the word 'glorious' seems like you're stretching to make the capital this awesome amazing place. While that may be truth, it just reads rather odd and I think you can do without it.The threat was no more, the galaxy is to return to an age of peace, [replace the comma with an 'and'] prosperity...

There is no home to return to,[remove comma] but either way, nobody is left to care. I crossed out the "but either way" for one main reason; of course, if there is no home no one is going to be left to care about anything. In which case I should have crossed out the end of the sentence but that's beyond the point. The "either way" is kind of redundant and unneeded.

This is a tale of progress, the tale of the ceaseless march of science and technology. I crossed out the second "the tale" but if you find it necessary to keep then you want to remove the comma and split this sentence into two. There was never any doubt that this technology was good,[replace comma with a period] How could one let the enemy advance their technology to the point of ripping wormholes in stars, [remove comma] without making advances to counteract that such as the Dyson Beam? Ok, so now we're getting a little background. So that's good.

It started a few years before the terminal battle.

The confederation's Naval Intelligence Office had secured something that would surely the end the long war between the two nations,[replace comma with a period] The aggressors would fall to rubble, it seemed too good to be true.

A weakness in the enemy lines, which allowed a direct jump to the capital system,[replace comma with a period.] Also, this kind of reads like an incomplete thought. A single dyson Capitalize Dyson since it's a name. beam could rip their capital world to shreds in under a second. And so, they took the opportunity,[replace comma with a period] The war had extended too long, a strategic strike to the capital system would cripple the enemy, the fleet would fall apart, they could take their worlds without a fight. Ok, so at the end there you started to repeat stuff we already knew. We get know, that this could end the enemy, there's no need to continue telling us. When you become repetitive, you also become boring. So watch out for that.

The hundred of millions of crew required to operate such a vast fleet, [with] the flagship alone having over a million crew members alone, were jovial. I crossed out the middle chunk because it felt a little too info dump like. War songs were sung, [replace comma with an 'and'] cheerfulness swept over the entire fleet. Guns primed to fire, jump drives primed to engage. The Dyson Beam had been charged a few weeks prior, and after all the logistical efforts to organize such an offensive, the beam was to fire.

And then, it fired. Your writing is starting to become a little repetitive again.

Immediately having [the] jump drives engaged alongside the beam, forming a field which shot the beam into their capital world in minutes.

And in an instant, without even one warning, billions of sentient lifeforms were brought to their death,[replace the comma with a period] This was an unprecedented act of force, the first use of a Class-10 Laser, nobody would've imagined such to ever occur. Ok, another warning. Your writing is starting to read like an info dump again.

[...]


Overall
So I cut off where I did because I felt like I was going to start repeating myself. That said, lets get on with the review why don't we.

1.)Like I said a couple times throughout the line-by-line, you tend to repeat a lot of the same ideas. Yeah, I understand that sometimes doing so can be important to the plot of the story, but here it becomes too much. The only thing I have to say is be careful, be sure to vary your sentences and vary the ideas.

2.) You had quite a few places where you had commas where there weren't really any need for them. Just make sure you proof read.

Other then that, I think everything else is in the line-by-line. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.





Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
— TheMulticoloredCyr