Young Writers Society

Boy do I dig trees

Cap'n!

I am so glad to see a poem from you, it's been so long I feel and I've definitely missed your voice something fierce. This is a really good return poem as well, it has a strong sense of voice, tone and content that give it a really robust sense when I read it.

Your theme is wonderful. I spend a lot of time in my own poetry using trees in my imagery, I can't seem to help it, and this poem explains it in a way - we're saturated with them. Turn around and there's a tree, and it leads well. Structurally I don't really mind the back and forth because with your tone it is barely noticeable.

What is noticeable, for me, is that this poem doesn't feel like it finishes. You have a concluding line but it, crucially, introduces a new image that wants to develop further. You talk about civilisation, which is fine, but then you say "pick up checks" and I don't think that really connects well to the rest of the poem, no matter how true it is. It comes out of nowhere for me because the poem wasn't about humanity wasting its time up to that point, and it's only there that we're hit with this very environmentalist and anti-capitalist statement. I would suggest either end on "painted", which would be a nice concept, or develop the checks concept. Right now the line just doesn't feel final enough.

It is a lovely poem, though, and I particularly love the introduction of several different languages, it works nicely and develops your concept well.

Thank you for posting <3 <3

Hi Adnamarine!
This is a pretty cool poem. I just have a few suggestions here.

"staring down thei microscopic sliver of the world"
I would say that this isn't as true as it could be- I get the point, that roots don't see very much, but if you wanted to be more accurate, roots spread for many miles (collectively) underground. You don't have to change it, but you may want to show how even though they are extensive, roots are kept underground.

Also, you may want to have commas in between "trees trees trees".

"Done up in acrylic and plastic and au natural. "
I think this is my favorite line out of the whole poem.

I think the poem changes its message a bit from beginning to end, and I like that. I always love poems about trees, and different perspectives are cool. Well done!

-Falco

Hey Adnamarine,
Yipee! First one to review this new poem.

First of all... Wow!
I love your theme or message in this poem.
Trees! Yep a perfect topic or subject to write a
good poem on. Nature yep! that's what it is!
Very moving and inspiring. Especially the part where you wrote;

'I've dug from one side of the globe to the other.'
'Green, verde, kijani, أخضر, зелёный, 绿色 '
'spreading their wings to ocean bottoms and rooftops'

Gosh! These lines were perfect! I really like these lines.
They were so perfect (not that the others were not).
They were touching to me as a reader.
It was very captivating and striking!

Its paints like a image of trees magnified greatly in a view
anybody would love to see. Trees everywhere both artificial and
natural. Rooted from different landforms (mountains) on land to oceans and seas.
From little tree pots in homes to art gallery (painted trees).

A few suggestions to spice this poem up a bit for upcoming readers to digest.

1. 'rooted, firm, unchangeable,'

The word 'unchangeable' is not suitable to describe a tree.
Because you can change a tree. By trimming some leaves. Breaking some branches.
I think the term you were aiming to write was 'immovable'. Meaning can't be moved. Deeply
rooted.

2. 'Everywhere trees trees trees'

As a reader (reciter) this particular stanza needed some exclamation.
Some exclamation to add some emotion in this poem.
Something like this;

'Everywhere trees! trees! trees!'

3. Your poem structure was pretty poor.
You need to separate/group the stanzas to give a enlightening
appearance to the poem. Hate to admit but the first time i tapped on this
poem, i saw the endless rows of stanzas and just felt like clicking 'back'. But the poem turned
out great. Stuff like this can risk the chance of others taking interest in your beautiful work of
art.

4. 'watching civilisation put down roots and pick up checks'

This was a satisfying and perfect ending to end this poem.
love this stanza too
But...shouldn't it be 'pull up roots' or 'put down roots' ?
'pull up roots' makes pretty good sense. Cause we uproot/ pull up roots (deforestation)
to make money and stuff like that.

Overall i like your poem. Very simple and the flow of words is good.
Though some lines are longer, it makes perfect sense when all is together.
This poem helped me see or view trees in a different perspective, more like your
perspective.

Keep writing good stuff like this girl!
Cheers!

Hey there! I'm here for a quick review.

So, overall you have some interesting ideas about trees. I like your method of using the different words for trees in the different languages. That's cool.

However, you're right about it feeling incomplete. That's partly because of your first line. It sets up what people think, implying that they're wrong about what they think, but then it never comes out and says specifically what is the right way to think about trees. You never answer your own question, except by implication.

Also, I'm not sold on the idea that trees don't stay in one place, which is what you seem to be trying to say. Nothing you say here contradicts that idea - trees still stay in one place, there's just a heck of a lot of them and they're all over, so they see everything and can watch us run around like ants. It doesn't quite hang together for me.

Individual things

same sand.

Living room corners