Published July 15, 2012
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Thanks guys for the format advice, in fact this is how it was supposed to be it's just the YWS thing that changed it! But here is the poem in its actual form
I definitely agree with Rainn. The current structuring in your poem takes away from certain poetic elements which could compliment the poem and carry more weight. The stanzas and punctuation changes which Rainn suggested gives the poem a life; each of the stanzas comes to their full poetic fruition and stands on their own . Your writing is good and I like the poem. I am excited to read more from you in future.
Hello Adam.
I suggest you format it like this...I changed a bit of the punctuation...
What if she's a firefly,
Who lights up her own world?
The angel in that great expanse,
Some say dark; Some, God.
Without their electricity,
What is it that burns?
What from her soul comes firewood,
As the Devil softly glows?
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I just added and took out a word or two here and there. It's just a suggestion.
~Rainn