Young Writers Society

"Is a part of your family,."

I would fix this punctuation mark.

"The pitcher on your wall,"

Is this supposed to be picture? It could work as pitcher but that's a bit more unusual so I'm just checking.

Anyways, the answer? Run, run across the hills, and don't even look back for a fraction of a second, for if you catch even a glimpse of a shadow of another living being, you die, right there, right then, like Lot's wife becoming a pillar of salt when she glimpsed the face of God. I do like this poem's theme and presentation a lot. Non-belief and family bonds, sounds like the dark underbelly of traditional American family structure. And if you're writing on this site, that's likely also something you've had a bit too much experience with, even if it's not the main Leitmotif of your youth. The idea that first you see the end, then you see something to get rid of gives me an interesting image of something like an invisible wall in the form of an object. Then, it compares a family member to an object, and returns back to the alienation theme of the beginning. So, awesome poem, just polish it up a bit is all I have to say.

Hi MagicAce!

I really liked this poem, and its under message of how family can often times hold us back and be the cause of many problems we have in life. Just a suggestion but you could go through and pick words like 'part, thing, holding, the, and it' and just replace them with some synonyms to add more flare? I guess you could call it in your piece so its more challenging in a way. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your piece.

I very much enjoyed this! I liked the Imagery and wording! It made me think a lot which is an important element to have. Keep up the good work I look forward to seeing more work in the future from you!

Poetry! Yay!
Makes me happy.
Thank you for sharing this piece of you with the world.
Let's get into it!
This is a pleasing poem to the eye, in my opinion. I appreciate that very much.
The title is intriguing and very fitting.
First line is awesome.
I encourage you to read your poems out loud and find where you pause most as you speak the words, and when you find pauses.....put them in! Commas don't really do much for me. Play with punctuation! Use hyphens, periods, spacing, colons, whatever you need to accurately convey your message and the most effective way to read it.
I think someone already mentioned that "pitcher", I think, should be "picture"? Also "family,." I believe is a typo. Not sure if anyone else has said that.
Try to stay away from weak words like "thing", "may"...try to add some spice.
The title and the ending really come together well, and the message is clear. It's a strong and hard-hitting one, and you definitely haven't overdone it or made the topic too soppy, which lots of young poets tend to do (myself included!).
Keep writing, I think you've got a lot of good material to work with!
Let me know if you've got any questions. I'm excited to read more!

~abigail

hey this is spartan 118 here for an amazing short review so bear with me and enjoy the review.
So honestly this is a great poem about the last and how it affects you to this day and when it invloves family well I guess you gotta take it as it is or move on and cut them out of your life. Second I like how you phrased this whole poem it makes it flow smoothly. I do see a few errors which are punctuation and could be spotted by you easily and could be real quick to fix yet I wouldn't worry about it too much cause they're small.
Honestly I had a good time reading this and could relate to this really well.

Hope you enjoyed the review, keep up the good work, and have a good day, evening, morning, or night.

-Spartan 118

Hey Friend! Katrina Kimberly here for yet another review!

Beautiful poem, my friends and I thought that it was really nice with a magnificent meaning.

However, a few things that I would fix are just a few grammatical errors, starting in line six.
"Weather it may be the dark,"
I found that in this line you used the wrong form of weather. Instead, use the "whether" form, as it makes more sense in the term you are using it in.

One other error was found in line seven.
"The pitcher on your wall,"
In this line, spell "pitcher" as "picture" instead, as using the form the word is currently in then it would seem that a container of liquid is hanging on the wall.

Although, besides the few spelling errors, I found this poem to be a wonderful poem with a strong meaning. I always enjoy reading your meaningful poems!

I look forward to see more,
Kitty