Published January 24, 2012
Sweat prickled her brow in this moment, super-heated blood flushing to her cheeks. That feeling, that climactic scent of romantic experience engulfed her, and nervous as she may be, the girl stepped forward up a silver plated hump.
She piped cute, timid words, "How was your day, dear?" The door to the chilling alpine adventure was shut, a world of cold mountains closed as the warmth of inside greeted her turned back, a gentle hand in her glove simply beaming at the feel of closing it.
A man, about forty in age, smiled the smile of a man so irrevocably in love that the very ages could not stop him. His protective arms wrapped warmly around her shivering body, a soothingly gruff voice appearing from her back, "It was as wonderful as you, darling."
"So it was horrible?"
He laughed a hearty laugh, melting her from the inside. She turned to smile and kiss him, his lips like a wispy cloud and chest as inviting as her fleeting dreams. "Come, the lovely dinner you left cooking is ready," said the man.
Her smile glistened, the scent of stew laden heavy in the air, as though the very oxygen would liquefy. They stepped through the wooden cabin, his hand in hers, to the source of the delight. She served him and then herself. The husband and wife sat at the old table, the gift of their marriage, and she began consumption of the stew so oddly bitter.
Yet the man merely sat over the bowl, swaying silently. "What's the matter?" said the woman, "Is the stew bad?" She could taste the wrongness, and knew the answer, but also knew such bitterness could not be smelled.
He gave an encouraging smile, "My dear Mary, it smells delightful, I assure you, but I'm simply not hungry right now. I'm sorry..."
Silence filled the room like a trodden downpour. A wave of loneliness and remorse flooded over Mary as a tsunami wave, broken in her tears on the wood, greeting an otherwise empty room. For, you see, there is something you must know about this man:
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140,522 Literary Works • 673,294 Reviews
Very very lovely! Good job!!
Thank you very much, Xyra. You were quite helpful! I revised it a bit, and I hope it answers all of your questions.
So this has a lot of beautiful imagery, and I feel like thats the entire point of the piece is to be aromantic imagery piece. But I do think that you could develop your imagery more, and there are some other things. So things I like are purple, awkward/confusing things in red, and possible additions/changes in green.
Good luck with your revision Abo!!
Sorry if this seems a little harsh, but it was a beautiful piece overall! No real spelling/grammar errors, or anything else. Bravo!!