Published August 2, 2010
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140,282 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
Nice imagery!
i really like the scenery shown here. It's like a fairytale story of Cinderella.
really like this part:
Keep it up! but it should look better if you can make it longer.
Nevertheless, pretty nice!
I like this. I think that this was a cute little poem but as other reviewers said-go further. You can make this way longer, explain why it isn't blue or prurple or black.
I think I gotthe metaphor but I don't want to write it in case I'm wrong. :p
~Jas
Very vivid writing and interesting descriptions. I did notice a couple of errors:
Did you mean "lawn" here?
It's pretty good, though. Write on.
Wow. Clever well written poem. Well done!! I think you're talented. i could say that maybe I would like to read something a bit more psychological. As you've personified jealousy maybe it would be good to take it to the next level. Perhaps go right inside the human mind and look at the extents people are willing to take beacause of envy
I really like the imagery, the new color label for jealousy.. interesting piece. I think that perhaps you could go a bit further into it, using the colors as a side thing, and perhaps talk more about envy itself. Nice job.