What are friends?
People you surround yourself with?
People you love?
People you tolerate?
I don't know who my friends are.
Its seems these days everybody
Just wants to know whats in it
For themselves.
They rip me side to side
Love, hate, love, hate
Trying to control my emotions
Like rabid dogs and I'm the day old slab of meat
Ripping, clawing, tearing at my flesh,
My spirit
Then, in the next second,
They're licking me, and begging me to rub their tummies
Rolling around and playing like puppies fighting for attention
I find myself sitting in the corner,
The beastly dogs ignoring me, isolating me
Making me feel alone
I try to get their attention
So I can once again play with them as before
But when i do, i wish i hadn't
They rip, claw, and tear at my flesh
My spirit
I know what this feels like
I've been here before
I vowed upon leaving that I would never return again
Never get past those golden days in the beginning
When everything was joyful and dear
But you know something is not right
Deep
Deep
Down
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Wow. Very nice piece ya got here! I love this. Review for you.
I especially like your use of the "rabid dog" metaphor, with you as "the slab of meat." lol. I enjoyed this for two reasons. First, its funny the idea of a human as a slab of meat...idk i mean the word "slab" and then the word "meat." Funny combo...just a trivial humor thing. But secondly because that metaphor is very accurate as far as mirroring the situation u were trying to describe. I too have found that "friends" can often behave in the way you described here in this poem. At one moment, their "licking you" and at the next "tearing you apart." Well done.
However, there was ONE THING I FOUND ABSOLUTELY GOD AWFUL ABOUT THIS WORK: Nothing at all!!!Great job, Abby, through and through. !!! ;D
Happy Review Day.
-GL24
Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!!
Hello there, here to review.
This is a very nice poem. It is also very true, which makes it so much better. We all have two-faced friends sometimes.
Well, on to the review.
I liked how you shaped the poem, first by asking questions and centering your text, then going on to answer those questions, even though not fully, because I guess that's the point of the poem. I also liked how the title doesn't really tell you anything, but it really makes sense once you've read the whole thing. I also liked how you described them first and after, completely different.
Here you make them seem like they are cute, little, harmless animals. Then:
Here you are making them look like the exact opposite of how you described them before. They seem evil, devastators, and certainly not cute.
I really like the way you ended this. The structure is really good, since every time you say deep you go deeper down in your text as well.
However, there are some things I'd like to point out.
Firstly, whether it is in the beginning, end, or middle of the poem, "I" is always capitalized. There are no exceptions, unless you are writing the whole poem without capitals, but that's a different matter. Also, contractions have apostrophes. You did this mostly but forgot it in some places.
That's all I have to say about this. Congratulations, and keep on writing.
-AlfonsoF, member of the Apple Dumpling Gang
Thank you!
Good poem yes I like it lots, I like the metaphor that you've used comparing friends to puppy dogs. Also starting the different stanza with the same line my spirit I like this a lot too. This poem relates well to a topic that is thought of by many people as a depressing topic, you've managed to go close to that depressive line but not make it sound like poor me poor me I need attention. I would have loved you to have exaggerated a little more on the "golden days" and what has considerably changed from those days but besides that good poem
Thanks!!!! I really appreciate it!!
By the way, i tried spacing out the stanzas, but it doesn't work. So, yeah, sorry.