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E - Everyone

Tug of War

by Abigail2911


What are friends?

People you surround yourself with?

People you love?

People you tolerate?

I don't know who my friends are.

Its seems these days everybody

Just wants to know whats in it

For themselves.

They rip me side to side

Love, hate, love, hate

Trying to control my emotions

Like rabid dogs and I'm the day old slab of meat

Ripping, clawing, tearing at my flesh,

My spirit

Then, in the next second,

They're licking me, and begging me to rub their tummies

Rolling around and playing like puppies fighting for attention

I find myself sitting in the corner,

The beastly dogs ignoring me, isolating me

Making me feel alone

I try to get their attention

So I can once again play with them as before

But when i do, i wish i hadn't

They rip, claw, and tear at my flesh

My spirit

I know what this feels like

I've been here before

I vowed upon leaving that I would never return again

Never get past those golden days in the beginning

When everything was joyful and dear

But you know something is not right

Deep

Deep

Down


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159 Reviews


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Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:34 pm
GreenLight24 wrote a review...



Wow. Very nice piece ya got here! I love this. Review for you.

I especially like your use of the "rabid dog" metaphor, with you as "the slab of meat." lol. I enjoyed this for two reasons. First, its funny the idea of a human as a slab of meat...idk i mean the word "slab" and then the word "meat." Funny combo...just a trivial humor thing. But secondly because that metaphor is very accurate as far as mirroring the situation u were trying to describe. I too have found that "friends" can often behave in the way you described here in this poem. At one moment, their "licking you" and at the next "tearing you apart." Well done.

However, there was ONE THING I FOUND ABSOLUTELY GOD AWFUL ABOUT THIS WORK: Nothing at all!!!Great job, Abby, through and through. !!! ;D

Happy Review Day.

-GL24



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Abigail2911 says...


Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!!



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Sun Nov 24, 2013 3:21 am
AlfonsoFernandez wrote a review...



Hello there, here to review.

This is a very nice poem. It is also very true, which makes it so much better. We all have two-faced friends sometimes.

Well, on to the review.

I liked how you shaped the poem, first by asking questions and centering your text, then going on to answer those questions, even though not fully, because I guess that's the point of the poem. I also liked how the title doesn't really tell you anything, but it really makes sense once you've read the whole thing. I also liked how you described them first and after, completely different.

They're licking me, and begging me to rub their tummies

Rolling around and playing like puppies fighting for attention


Here you make them seem like they are cute, little, harmless animals. Then:

But when i do, i wish i hadn't

They rip, claw, and tear at my flesh

My spirit


Here you are making them look like the exact opposite of how you described them before. They seem evil, devastators, and certainly not cute.

Deep

Deep

Down


I really like the way you ended this. The structure is really good, since every time you say deep you go deeper down in your text as well.

However, there are some things I'd like to point out.

Firstly, whether it is in the beginning, end, or middle of the poem, "I" is always capitalized. There are no exceptions, unless you are writing the whole poem without capitals, but that's a different matter. Also, contractions have apostrophes. You did this mostly but forgot it in some places.

Just wants to know what's in it


That's all I have to say about this. Congratulations, and keep on writing.

-AlfonsoF, member of the Apple Dumpling Gang



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Abigail2911 says...


Thank you!



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Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:45 am
braydog25 wrote a review...



Good poem yes I like it lots, I like the metaphor that you've used comparing friends to puppy dogs. Also starting the different stanza with the same line my spirit I like this a lot too. This poem relates well to a topic that is thought of by many people as a depressing topic, you've managed to go close to that depressive line but not make it sound like poor me poor me I need attention. I would have loved you to have exaggerated a little more on the "golden days" and what has considerably changed from those days but besides that good poem :)



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Abigail2911 says...


Thanks!!!! I really appreciate it!!



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Sat Nov 23, 2013 9:27 pm
Abigail2911 says...



By the way, i tried spacing out the stanzas, but it doesn't work. So, yeah, sorry.





I always prefer to believe the best of everybody; it saves so much trouble.
— Rudyard Kipling