Published November 5, 2011
The duty of the definition of beauty makes me wonder
if the word should be dubbed as a blunder
Since The English language has
no clue, i guess they should know that
There are no words that can ever describe you
So as we get closer and we approach the Climatic altitude of the sweet sensation
of our perfect conversation,
i can't help but wonder that out of every person
From every nation, I'm here sitting creating the words to humour ourselves,
I feel like loves in store
And I'm wishing we get shelved
So as I notice that love moves swiftly
I can only hope Cupid takes a shot
at me.
My intention is trying to find
and define the motion
of which your mind speaks
By using different techniques
You see All other girls class themselves as special,
but you think your ordinary
Which shows how your so unique
I Hope we can come across a boutique of flowers and in a few years
I'll picture your friends planning our baby shower
Your my angel, the gun to my holster
The range to my rover, the hand on my shoulder
Our love will only bring us closer.
Now as I approach the sunlight of your eyes
i initiate a process which my mind records every action
taken with a fine whitened chalk
Your beauty astounds astrologers
Your so out of this world.
I'm so in love with your actions
So as i fall blind to the ways of how me and my boys were taught
I feel like i want to put a ring on your mind and Marry your every thought.
I want to remember a night
Where you lay by my side
And ill push them blinds aside
To catch your face in the beautiful moonlight
while counting every eyelash above your radiant eyes
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hello again, Abid! Rose here!
This is a very sweet poem. It's definitely unique from the other love poems that I read, and I'll remember it after I finish writing this review. That is always a writer's job. In order for people to love your work, it must be memorable, and you've done that here. Good job on that part!
Like I said when I reviewed your work last time, you have some awesome rhyming skills. You put together rhymes that aren't ordinary, and they work wonderfully. However, I feel like they don't stand out enough because of the organization of your piece. Organization is very important! I'm no pro at it, but I'll give it a shot to show you what I mean.
I know this isn't perfect, but it's better, isn't it? Remember to punctuate your work unless you're opposed to punctuation; some poets are. I look at punctuation and capitalization as ways to make your work shine brighter, not as restrictions. Good punctuation is effortless, and it won't restrict you if you use it correctly.
This is my favorite part. It's charming and I haven't read anything like it before.
Great job! If you worked on editing this, I'd suggest three things: organizing it so that it flows better, focusing on punctuation, and sending me a message so I can read this once you're finished!
Always keep writing, Abid!
-Rose
I've read quite a few of your poems and the first thing i'd like to congratulate you on is that you no longer capitalize every word WHOO well done! I really enjoyed reading this poem as it pulled on the heartstrings a little. I enjoyed reading the whole poem but one part I really enjoyed is this part:
"I'm so in love with your actions
So as i fall blind to the ways of how me and my boys were taught
I feel like i want to put a ring on your mind and Marry your every thought."
This is unique as most girls think that all boys are only in love with a girls body. You are representing us boys when you say you want to marry her every thought. It shows that there are boys who are interested in what a girl has to say and thinks.
So well done!!
:')
That was so sweet. I'm just so impressed because I wouldn't really come across a boy writing this and here I am. I agree with your first reviewer. This too is my favorite poem by far. What I like what you do the most is this
You rhymed really well into this poem and it flowed all right. It had a few flow issues in my opinion but I like your rhyming skill that you put into every stanza. I think you should get this poem out there because it's the sweetest thing I've seen so far. Good job and keep writing.
Another impressive poem, i have read a few today but this is my favourite.
The variety of themes intrigues me and takes much talent to execute as you did.
The feeling of love is key here and it comes across in some ways he wishes he wasn't which i like
as this aprt of love i not often pinpointed.
Keep Writing
Ste