Published February 20, 2012
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Other than the corrections previously stated, this was really good and I read it like it was a rap, which I've never really done before. I don't know if that was your intention, but it was a cool experiences. The only thing I'd really like you to clean up is the transition from:
"While you eyes make sure
We always follow their light" (this is kind of a awkward sentence and I thought it ruined the flow of the rest of the poem)
to:
"Now as I leave you..."
You could've just keep it going and not put a break there because I totally thought that whatever was below that break was just going to be some comment that you'd made about the poem and I almost didn't read it.
I really enjoyed this, though, really good.
Keep it up,
the cat
hey,
this is really good but there are a few errors.
'this in an society' : it is suppose to be 'a society.
'however must follow a leader': you should add something inbetween like. 'however all must follow a leader.'
I would also suggest changing 'Keeping us humans'. mayeb get rid of keeping as you used keep in the line before and it sort of stops the flow a bit and is also slightly repitative.
Apart from that it is really good and I enjoyed it. These are just suggestions though.