Scrutinise the blueprint I'll be in the sky where the moon is Opposite from useless As my mind moves so fluent Translucent death upon our dreams Foreseeing the shadows beneath The garden of Eden Feeling cremated in a temple full of hatred,while watching my fingers vibrate like they just got tazered Beneath the shooting starts, there's a gentlemen searching for a day in the stars, what you didn't get it Is that I'm talking about these cloned out celebrities, with no originality although they come from a background full of virtuality
However they somehow get stuck in a dice game full of snakes and serpents Watching you by lurking under many sheets of your conscious Like an abnormal turban.
My metaphors and similes may be out of bounds but so are the spoken virtues that never get around My minds in a cloud Full of blunt smoke, whiskey with a blend of coke, Bodies froze around me so I keep myself busy by letting my creativity stay in control.
In reality I'm staring at my door hinge But my imagination allows me to be in An Cooperate office,with a view full of the beach and the dolphins So I thank the insomnia and the weed for allowing my brain cells to get out and breath As This is truly the story of an insomniacs dream.
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This is truly a dream of an insomniac indeed. I re.ally liked your poem and would someday like to have a dream like that. I loved your poem but it looks a bit bulky? Also you may want to work on your rhythm and punctuation. Anyway keep trying for the better. You could also shorten the lines and then there is description yes but it is a bit uneven. That is all and I really do not know what to say since I have never read a poem on dreams and stuff. But it was overall very good. Keep writing!!
HEY GUYS READ THE POEM BELOW, ITS THE SAME POEM BUT A DIFFERENT STRUCTURE!!
An Insomniacs Dream
Scrutinise the blueprint
I'll be in the sky where the moon is
Opposite from useless
As my mind moves so fluent
Translucent death upon our dreams
Foreseeing the shadows beneath
The garden of Eden
Feeling cremated in a temple full of hatred,
while watching my fingers spaz out like they just got tazered
Beneath the shooting starts, there's a gentlemen searching for a day in the stars,
what you didn't get it Is that I'm talking about these cloned out celebrities,
with no originality although they come from a background full of virtuality
However they somehow get stuck in a dice game full of snakes and serpents, Watching you by lurking under many sheets of your conscious Like an abnormal turban.
My metaphors and similes may be out of bounds
but so are the spoken virtues that never get around
My minds in a cloud
Full of blunt smoke, whiskey with a blend of coke,
Bodies froze around me so I keep myself busy by letting
my creativity stay in control
In reality I'm staring at my door hinge
But my imagination allows me to be in
An Cooperate office, with a view full of the beach and the dolphins
So I thank the insomnia and the weed for allowing my brain cells
to get out and breath
As This is truly the story of an insomniacs dream.