Published April 28, 2009
I wonder what goes through his mind about her
I hear people say different things
I want her to be happy again
I am wondering
I pretend time has stopped in her favor
I feel the same as she doesn't want to feel
I touch the shining souls of his, of hers
I worry she will lose what is most important
I cry at the thoughts
I am wondering
I understand in life things and people change
I say words only she can comprehend
I dream of that special day
i try to imagine my friends again
I hope to see her smile again, for real this time
I am wondering
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Canary word: Present
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129,601 Literary Works • 671,508 Reviews
This piece is very interesting, to say the least. I'm frustrated with the lack of structure in the poem. If the fluidity of the lines was meant to reinforce another idea central to a theme in the poem, then I would approve of the organization. In addition, while colloquial language is, often, refreshing in poetry (there are so many pretentious writers out there!), you must make sure that you don't have unintentional grammatical errors. I like the repetition of "wondering", and I enjoyed the sweet simplicity of the subject in this poem.
I salute the way you write- comprehensible and masterminded. Yet, it would be better appreciated if a little rhythmic pattern and meter was observed. And since you started placing a comma on the seventh verse (see, it could be better if it was broken down into stanzas), you must have put some punctuations as well.
Anyway, I would like to repeat again what I have stated a while ago, I SALUTE THE WAY YOU WRITE, very clear to every imaginations which, I think, is what a real poem must contain.
Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works.
Cute, a little repetitive in my opinion though. The I in
"i try to imagine my friends again"
needs to be capitalized. It would help to break up this poem with commas, periods, and maby stazas. Otherwise I like it.