Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Just as quickly as the lights shut off, they came back on.
"Oh my God. OH MY GOD!! I cannot believe I'm stuck in here with.. with.." Anna started, but couldn't finish, due to her complete and utter shock.
"Anna, calm down, it's not the end of the--"
"Oh shut the fuck up, Marina! Don't try and be all peppy and happy through this! I can't believe you!" She interupted me before I even got a sentence out.
I rared my fist back and punched her right in the stomach, and when she bent down to grasp her stomach, I kneed her right in the face, knocking her completely out.
"Well I'll be damned..." said the redneck man. "I thought y'all was good friends?"
I wiped the sweat from my forehead and bit my lip. "Only because her daddy's paying me."
Oh my God. I really didn't mean to say that.
The redneck lady covered her mouth and started bursting out laughing. It was like her laughter was completely uncontrollable. Her husband rubbed her back and joined in with her laughter. Before I knew it, the entire elevator was cracking up. Except for Anna, because you know, she's kind of unconcious.
"I guess since we're all here, we should probably introduce ourselves," the young woman began, "I'm Haley Osborne, and this is my husband, Bert Osborne." She pointed to her old, wrinkled, husband.
"This here is Jim-Bob, and I'm Betty Lynne Abbott." The redneck woman added, shaking my hand, and her husband doing the same.
The business woman looked up from her cell phone, "I'm Annaleise Altizer, owner of this mall." She held her hand out and shook mine, then right back to her phone.
The muscular black man looked me straight in the eyes. "I'm DeShean Goins."
"I'm Blayze. Don't talk to me." The gothic boy said, a stern look on his make-uped face.
"Hi," the timid, shy girl started. "I'm Adrianne."
I guess that just left me and Anna. "Hey everyone, I'm Marina Monsalve, and well.. That's Anna."
If I was going to be stuck in an elevator for God knows how long, I guess this is a pretty decent group to be with.
Anna's eyes suddenly flashed open, revealing the baby blue color of her irises. The look of total confusion came upon her face, as if she had completely forgotten that I had just knocked her out in two hits.
"What the hell just happened?" Anna wiped her crusted, bloody nose on her wrist, and inspected the dark red liquid that smeard onto her skin. She looked straight at me. "You." She whispered in a hushed, horrifying tone. She slowly climbed to her feet, stumbling a little and rubbing her forehead, and then lunged at me.
A shreak escaped from my mouth as I felt Anna grab my hair and shove me against the wall of the elevator. My hands were flailing around, trying to find something of her's to grab. An ear, a necklace, a bunch of her golden hair, anything.
Before I knew it, I felt her being lifted off of me, and when I opened my eyes, I saw DeShean had picked her up and thrown her over his shoulder. Anna was thrashing her arms and legs, trying to escape from DeShean's firm grip, but it was no use.
He calmly set her down on the other side of the elevator, and pointed his dark, sausage-like finger in her face. His incredibly deep voice formed words on his lips, "You ma'am, should treat your friend with more respect. You don't know what she's been through."
And as if that was someone's que, the lights went out.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Even though I haven't read the other chapter, I'm liking this story already. I didn't see many grammar or spelling errors, and the story flowed smoothly, though it was very fast. The only thing I really did wish was that you'd flesh out the scenes a little more. Everything seems almost like an outline with how fast it went, not saying that it was rushed, but a little more detail next time would take you a long way!
I'm enjoying these characters so far even though we don't know them very well yet, which is something that I like. I always like it when I can attach to the characters right away, and follow them throughout the rest of the story.
I'm really interested to see where this can go. Keep on writing!
I read the other chapter, but didn't review it because other people had gotten to it first and told you about all the mistakes.
But I got to this one first!
You have a very interesting writing style, and I like that. There was only one mistake I found!
"Well I'll be damned.." Said the redneck man. (The 's' in 'said' should not be capitalized. And maybe you should add another period, three is normally how many people do)
This is a really good piece of work, but I would suggest just a little more description. I look forward to reading more of this story.
Bye for now!
~BookWolf
Quick fix, I shall agree.
Thank you so much for the kind words, it means a lot 
~Aarica
Your welcome!