Faceless people stare at me,
my fear showing plain as can be.
I think, I hope, I may be dreaming,
Faceless people, standing screaming.
Frightening words, coming out,
my voice joins in their murderous shout.
running, running to get away,
their fingers reaching for me to stay.
But I refuse, ungraciously,
staying here is not for me.
So I try and try and try to wake,
I have this feeling I can't shake,
That I'm not asleep, that this is real,
this thought causes me to kneel.
my head is spinning, i feel weak,
fresh new tears begin to leak,
they come closer, eye sockets searching,
my heart, out of my chest, lurching.
Their empty heads stare at me,
and now I really begin to scream.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi there! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today!
This is really good. I love the imagery---it's so vivid and you feel like you're right there in the nightmare too. This was great. I loved the rhyme scheme and the flow. The only nitpick I have is the first line...I feel like it's almost a cliche. But that could just be me.
Good job!
--Sporks
Hello there!
Here to review.
The flow of the poem is good and so with the concept behind it. However, sometimes the flow is distracted by your commas, although very line connects with each other. The poem itself is pretty understandable, so great job for that. But just like what the previous reviewers above me have said, you need to work on some of your misplaced punctuations and slightly of grammar. But all in all, this is a good read. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.
Keep writing!
Peace out!
~yuri
You rhyme!
That is so enviable!
Your poem was very, very good, The only thing i'd suggest doing would be to break it up, so the reader gets a chance to breathe.
Your description and imagery were strong and lovely. This is one of the best poems I've read here!
Congrats
Keep writing
~WickedWonder
Hey ASingleDarkRose,
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was so dark and spooky whilst it rhymed. In a lot of poems, rhyming makes them sound happy and not dark at all, but this is different. Its still dark and spooky even though it rhymes. It also has a really good flow, I didn't stop and stumble when I read it. Its just a smooth poem.
My only criticisms, maybe separate the poem into at least two stanzas so it looks a bit neater. Also, watch your punctuation and grammar. "Their" is spelt with the e before i not "thier" (line 8 ). Also, the second last line needs to begin with a capital letter since you've put a full-stop in the line before it.
But really well done! Best wishes!
RedLeaf
That's really spooky!
But good job! There's a few spelling mistakes, but I think Abigail got them all, so just remember "I" before "E" except after "C" and in weird because, well its weird:P But overall really good job! The poem really makes me feel like I'm in the nightmare too!
Hi ASingleDarkRose! First, I'll go through and edit some things ...
Wow. You did an excellent job portraying a nightmare. I know exactly how you feel.
First things first: too many commas. It is all one gigantic sentence! Oh, my, it is overwhelming! Try to think of how you would separate your sentences if you were writing prose, and apply that here.
Next, remember this rule:
"I" before "E" except after "C" or when sounding as "ay" like in "neighbor" or "weigh."
The word "their" is one of these instances.
In all, excellent work, and I'm eager to read more of your work!
i like the way you created images of the things that were... chasing? you. i thought it was a pretty good poem that consisted of something that we can relate to, our worst nightmare.
it had good flow, but i thought it started to come apart a little towards the end.
I do like the last line though, it leaves the reader wondering exactly what's going to happen next, and let us create our own images of the ending.
Although, i did have a question about wether the person in the poem was dreaming or not, that confused me.