When Fear Has Taken me (Part 2)

by ASH1397

Published January 23, 2013

In To be finished?

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Dr. Rangour took her time signing out of the police station. She had no appointments, no other obligatory sessions of any kind, and was in no hurry to be anywhere. All of that on top of an extremely long line made perfect timing for reading. Once she had found a spot to sit in the cramped room, she saw Detective Gales down the dimly lit hallway and in an office labeled "Chief Of Police". She heard shouted curses, and angry exchanges.  I wonder why he's being yelled at,  she pondered, as she opened her book. She sat for about five minutes, listening to the yelling. Although she tried to think nothing of it, she couldn't help but feel sorry for the investigator. God only knew what was going on in that office to spark such angry words. 

And despite all of her reasoning, she found herself rising from her seat and walking towards the door. 

******* 

"Gales, you had damn well have a good reason to be in here right now." Chief of Police, Gerald Frankor had about eleven cases on his desk to finalize and even more were being supervised by lower inspectors. Papers were strewn all over his desk, some had even fallen to the floor. Mugs of arrayed varities were on his desk; some standing up, some on their sides. It had been thirty-six hours since his last full meal, even longer since he had slept, and coffee had been his only source of anything that resembled nutrition. His graying hair was a mess, and his tie and shirt were askew. 

As soon as Detective Gales had walked into his office, Frankor's fuse had been lit up like the Fourth of July. Every time Gales walked into his office he expected to be helped, to be coddled, and Frankor just didn't have the time for that. 

"Chief, this case is weird. I really don't think I can do this one," Gales paused and thought carefully about his next choice of words. "I just don't think I'm cut out for this. Hell! This girl has threatened three of the biggest white-collar criminals in town, sir!" Gales felt himself sweating. The case had not only taken an interesting turn with Dr. Rangour's interview, but  she knew who did it.  She could solve this case for him in an instant; his nightmares would stop, his suspect list would shoot down to every officer's favorite  number one

Frankor kept his poise and lowered his voice. "You are the most able police officer I have right now. I wouldn't have given you this if I didn't think you couldn't handle it." He paused and put his head in his hands.  So much to do, so little time.  He thought silently. 

"But sir I don't know--" Gales had been cut off by the Chief's most vicious rant he had ever been victim to. 

"Gales, the Force isn't built to suit your needs! It's the foundation of protection, investigation, survival, and safety! I do not give a  damn about what  you don't know!  I could give less than two shits about how you  feel  about the subject of  murder, and I could care even less about personal drawbacks! I gave you that goddamn file that day because I trusted you to do your job! I trusted you to want justice, and to fucking find it for Raye or whoever deserves it! If I needed you, I'd hand you a damn file! Do you know how many poor sods sit here in this station doing paperwork?" The Chief waited for an answer. After seconds had gone by, he shouted,  "Answer me!"

Gales cleared his throat, looked down at his shoes and replied, "Twenty-nine, sir?" 

He slammed his fist on the desk, and said, "Thirty-five full-time, and fourteen part-time, sent over from the Academy in the past two weeks. That's fourty-nine people, sitting on their asses doing nothing but pushing papers my way." He paused, did some mental math, then continued. "I have five top-notch lieutants under me, fifteen inspectors under them, twenty detectives under them, and about forty rookies. All in the working force, and all of them are under my care." He tried to reign in his rage, but there was no helping when the monster escaped. 

"I take care of each and every one of them. They all work here, in this building. And I only trust a few of them to do their jobs correctly. And I'll tell you, it isn't the paper pushers that I trust!" He stood suddenly, noted how Gales jumped, and slowly raised a finger in his direction. "I don't  care  about where this case takes you. You had better fucking follow it. And if, by the time you reach more than  five  dead ends, and the case isn't solved,  that  is when I'll reprieve you of your duty. And you had damn well put this conversation in the report so you don't forget it." 

 

Gales was stunned. His face had gone pale, his hands were clammy, and his eyes seemed to be alert of every part of the room. He was more surprised when he gave a short scream as the door swung open. A wild-eyed Dr. Rangour appeared before the two men, and she looked furious. "I demand to know why you yelled at Detective Gales!" She roared. The kind, fragile-looking doctor that had sat before Gales in the interrigation room was gone, and she was replaced by a frantic, enraged woman. Gales looked past her and saw that many heads had turned in the direction of the office. 

The Chief straightened himself, and felt a sudden wave of unease settle over him. "Ma'am I-I don't think you are a part of this conversation--" 

"Despite what you believe,  Chief,  I heard that all the way down the hall. Now, you either answer my question, or I call your Commisioner and demand your resignation forms on your desk by tomorrow." Dr. Rangour's voice was just above a whisper, but held enough power to knock down a building. She knew the Commisioner, Phil, personally. She knew she probably couldn't get it done by tomorrow, but she could get it done within a week. The Chief turned to Gales, and whispered, "I'm sorry--"

"Sorry for what, Chief?" She demanded.

"For yelling at him." The Chief hung his head in shame, but anger boiled hot in his blood.  He was succumbing to a woman's demands? What idiocy.

"Come on, Detective. We have more to discuss." The doctor motioned for him to come with her, and he eagerly followed.  Thank God, you crazy, kind doctor.  He thought as he swooped past the Chief's doorway. 

The Chief followed briefly, and he slammed the door on their backs.

"Well, that could've gone worse." Rangour joked. The detective shook his head.

"I can't believe you did that," He said, trying to keep pace with her as she walked briskly. 

"What? Stood up for you?"

"No, yelled at the Chief like that."

"Well, we're all human here, and it didn't sound like you messed up. He shouldn't treat you that way." She replied. 

He grew silent, and just followed her out of the station. He waved to the check-out desk that she was with him, so they wouldn't have to go through that god-awful line. 

What happened next not only surprised Gales, but added to his case, when he found himself held at gunpoint in the station. 

The masked figures blocked the second set of doors right after the lobby.

What the obvious leader, at the front of the group, said made his blood run cold. 

"Detective Gales. Doctor Rangour. We've been looking for you."

Comments & reviews · 2
seeminglymeaningless wrote a review Review · Jan 27, 2013

Heya, I'm here to review your work for Review Day. I haven't been following your series, so please keep that in mind.

Realism: The whole time I was reading your chapter, all that swept around in my head (over the pounding headache), was that your story wasn't realistic. CoP don't have melt-downs and scream at people. They are professional. They are very hard working, yes, but I feel as if you've been a bit too lenient with artistic license here. I would recommend you visit your local police station, mention you're researching for a story, and ask to tour the place, to get a good idea of how the police force works.

What really cinched this realism thing for me was this:

"Despite what you believe, Chief, I heard that all the way down the hall. Now, you either answer my question, or I call your Commisioner and demand your resignation forms on your desk by tomorrow."

I... I just don't know what to say. No one has the power to just sack a high official. Not even if they knew the president. You can't just *do* this. It's preposterous to think about. You can say this if you are talking to a secretary who has been drinking on the job, or to a cashier at Walmart who has been stealing pennies. But you can't say this to someone who shouted at someone else.

It's just completely and utterly unrealistic.

And then it becomes worse... because then the Chief says he's sorry. And she demands to hear it louder, and what he was sorry for. She's not his aunt, he's not a 5 year old boy who's poured sand on the couch. It's just.

Extremely unrealistic.

Quotation marks/speech: Don't work like this:
"I can't believe you did that," He said, trying to keep pace with her as she walked briskly.

They work like this:
"I can't believe you did that," he said, trying to keep pace with her as she walked briskly.

Very slight difference, and it's a mistake many authors make until they figure it out. If you don't believe me, open up any fiction book near you and study the speech patterns.

I hope this review helps somewhat,
- jhoi

Thanks, I'll take your suggestion and go to the local police station. Really, though, this second part was done, on a whim, so a little understanding please :) Thank you for the help! : )

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megsug
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megsug wrote a review Review · Jan 27, 2013

Hey Ash!
I'm going to jump right in. I haven't read part one, so I may not understand what the faithful reader would.

Every time Gales walked into his office he expected to be helped, to be coddled, and Frankor just didn't have the time for that.

"You are the most able police officer I have right now.

Huh? That first bit doesn't sound like the most able police officer...

He paused and put his head in his hands.

This is a pretty big sign of weakness/despair. Pride, at the very least, would keep him from doing this in front of one below him.
If he does it anyway, Gales should notice.

Gales had been cut off by the Chief's most vicious rant he had ever been victim to.

Sh! Don't give it away! Let us find out! Show us, please, please, please don't tell.

He was more surprised when he gave a short scream as the door swung open.

Gales was surprised at himself for screaming? That Dr. Rangour came in? I don't quite understand this sentence.

but added to his case,

Ah! Don't tell me what's going to happen!

Wahoo! Your rant did not disappoint though I didn't want to know it was coming. Surprise factor is good, not only for your characters, but for you readers as well. ;)

Some of this seemed a tad improbable like... the Chief just letting it go... but it didn't wreck the story.
I think your detective is adorable! And what a shocking ending! Very nice place to leave us, wanting more.

Alright... I think that's it for me.
If you have any questions, PM me or hit up my wall.
If you ever need a review, I've got a WRFF thread.
Megsug

Thank you :) I'll work on it !



You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese