it's only paranoia: Avi (Lime)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was quite a fun read. Terrifying of course but in the best way I think. I am a little embarrassed how long it took for me to realize this was probably a Among Us fanfic and I'm terribly sorry I'm jumping in here without reading the first part but I wanted to rescue this from the green room.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Click. Click.

"Shit, is this thing on?"

Soft laughter.

"Yes, it's on now."

"Fuck. Restart or just cut the footage later?"

"Eh, just cut the footage. It's getting edited anyway." She saw the barest of movements in her peripherals; a shoulder shrug if she had to guess. He cleared his throat as she moved out of frame, pulling him forward.

Oooh well this is already an interesting start. A little bit of a recording situation. It seems okay enough for now but given the name of this whole piece I'm going to assume its going to get just a little worse. Maybe. That could be the paranoia after all, us expecting something to go wrong but then nothing actually does.

"And start."

"Welcome to The Jupiter, Officer. You have been hand-selected from a group of highly capable, intelligent beings from all over the galaxy to help guide this ship in its mission across the universe." She laughed quietly at his expression, his eyes flitting over briefly to meet her own before he gestured for her to step forward.

She did so, wings fluttering awkwardly. She let a smile paste itself onto her mouth, awkwardness tainting her movements as she fumbled for her lines.

Oooh well this is some nice worldbuilding, very gentle and in the background, I like it. It really lends itself well to not interrupting the actual flow of it but still telling us a lot about the general surroundings of things. Learning about what exactly this is for is also quite a nice addition I think. We'll see where that tangent takes us.

"But before you can board The Jupiter, you must meet several requirements. First, Common is a must-have language. If you can't communicate, I'm afraid you'll be cut before you even step into the arena. Second, rudimentary combat skills are needed. You will be landing in several highly dangerous areas and being able to defend yourself from danger is required. Last, but certainly not least, you need to have a unique skill set and a broad range of knowledge. If the engines break down and your engineer is out of commission, you need to be able to step forward and get those engines running again. While this is not everything, these are the basics of what you need before your training begins."

Hmm this looks like the best kind of infodump, if this information is important later anyway, just letting us know everything to know from this little presentation but then it also seems to be a little disconnected to the main narrative at large at least from what I can see so we'll see where this is headed.

"Hold up, Blue's dead?" Disbelief dripped off Coral's tongue as the Sproutling stared up at Rose. Avi felt her wings twitch as she caught sight of Purple clinging to the Merling, limbs visibly shaking, quick breaths echoing in the hollow space between them all. Blood caked Purple's legs and hands, mostly dried but some still oozed every time Rose moved or redjusted.

"Yes, they had a screwdriver driven through their throat. It looked..." Rose trailed off, shooting an uneasy look at Purple. "...intentional." The word was whispered softly, but Purple flinched anyways. Avi glanced sideways, noting the red hot anger rolling off Yellow in palpable waves, his fingers twitching at his side. He looked as if he wanted to reach forward and grab Purple away from Rose. She'd known those two had gotten close, but hadn't noticed that they'd gotten that close.

Oh well that's one serious jump in terms of not just setting but tone, oh my goodness. We go from slightly questionable and honestly quite calm sounding recording to just murder and fear and I love it, definitely embodies that title far more here.

"Intentional? So somebody murdered Blue is what you're saying." That was Maroon, the skittish Gunner twitching with every word, head moving in minute increments to switch rapidly between everybody. Void coiled around their feet; tendrils of liquid shadow and glittering white specks that blinked at them suspiciously.

"Yes." The Merling nodded slowly, head tilted to the side to watch everyone. Lime frowned, wings fluttering at her side as she stepped forward.

Well this is getting more and more scary as we continue here. Looks like things are building up to quite an interesting level by this point. Loving the direction that this is taking here. Really building on all the fear.

"Coral, I believe you have information on what may have helped cause this?" Avi switched her attention to Coral, the diminutive figure nodding swiftly, hands clasped in his lap.

"We have very recently entered new territory, which you may have noticed when we were hit a while back." A few hesitant nods throughout the Cafeteria; mumbled acknowledgements. "It was not an asteroid as most believed, but instead a hostile ship. We were boarded in Navigation by two of these hostiles, both were killed by Yellow. Me, Grey, and Maroon thought the threat was gone, but it seems as if one more had gotten onboard on the left hand side of The Jupiter."

Hmm well this is really showcasing quite the complex little network of things. Sorry again for not reading part one there, but going off just this I already love the level of detail that we're able to see here. Looks like you've really thought quite a bit about how these things would come about.

Purple's head turned to face Coral and Avi could picture the confusion on the young Bunn's face, strong enough to briefly overpower the grief.

"What kind of hostile?" She asked quietly.

"A race I believe are called Imposters due to their abilities. After collecting a dead body, they digest it and gain the memories and ability to shapeshift into them. If you notice any irregularities with the crew, if somebody's just a little off, you need to point it out immediately. I think there's only one, since we got the other two but we need to be careful. One of us here in this room is the Imposter." Coral's words rang out with a sharp finality, dulling the chit-chatter of some of the crewmates and throwing the room into stifling silence.

Well that's a truly terrifying revelation to get in a moment like that. And to just casually drop it. This is going to end up being quite the little bloodbath if I'm going to judge solely by the murder that was described earlier.

"What? What do you mean that there's only one onboard with us." Red was standing now, voice firm but raised to reverberate over the hushed whispers in the room, feet planted firmly on the ground, staring down at Coral. Corl stared back up at him, impassively, swaying slightly.

"I said what I said. I'm sorry, but until we find out who it is, there's not much we can do other than take precautions. Anything unusual, report it to Gray or me."

"But what if it's you or Gray? What then?" Red fired back, stepping closer to the tiny Sproutling. Coral hesitated before responding.

Well that's not going to be fun to find out. Imposters are very much not easy to find and we definitely can't even trust the person who has the POV here although maybe that'd be different if i read the first chapter. Sorry again about that.

"I was with Gray the entire time, it's not either of us. If it is, you have my full permission to take us out."

Red settled back, apparently satisfied with that but his hands shook as he sat back down, head tilting in a silent question to everyone else.

"If that's that, I'd say Purple or Rose is rather suspicious. Purple found Blue's body rather quickly and Rose was close enough that it couldn't have been a coincidence." Cyan spoke, slamming a hand on the cafeteria table and glaring towards the two. Purple's head shot up, whipping towards Cyan.

Well this is escalating quickly, which I think is doing a perfect job of linking back to the source material which by this point in time I can only assume is the game Among Us while very much keeping up to the theme of a very horror like scenario.

"She watched Blue die and you're blaming her?" Yellow stood up abruptly, taking a half-step closer to Cyan who instinctively stepped back. The Feli said nothing in defense of Rose who stood there quietly, still holding Purple to her side. A low snarl erupted from him, reverberating through the air with a soft hum. Cyan held out their hands in a placating gesture, backtracking hastily.

"It's probably not Purple, but you have to admit Rose is suspicious. She got there so fast." The Healer spoke quickly, still moving swiftly backwards out of reach. Yellow paused, turning his attention to Rose.

Well this is shifting gears fast and already we've got raised voices and a little bit of shouting. This is definitely about to escalate into something at the very least if not all out fight like I have a feeling its going to turn out as.

Enough. A voice cut through Avi's mind and she winced, turning towards Green. Everyone's head swiveled to face him. It is too early to make assumptions. You all are dismissed, continue as normal. He stood up gracefully, movement fluid as he simply left towards Navigation. Lime hesitated before falling into step on his right hand side, the two walking in silence for a few minutes.

"What's going to happen to us?" She said softly, letting herself fall into a seat and spinning the chair to face Green.

Ooh interesting, an interruption. Well that's a fun moment to restore just a bit of peace. I can't confess to have played the game if my guess about this is in fact correct but this seems pretty natural again.

[quote]We're going to be fine. I'll get us out of this mess.

"And if you don't?"

A pause.

We'll simply hope it doesn't come to that.[/quoe]

Ahh love that ending. A very human moment when dealing with odds that are difficult to even think about getting past. Love that as an ending here. I think you've done a wonderful job.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a lovely piece. The aspects of horror were done really well I think. It really comes in nicely here. Very well done.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hey! KaeRae here for a quick review! First of all, this is a lovely piece, and captured my full attention all the way through.

Beginning

Click. Click.

"Shit, is this thing on?"

Soft laughter.

"Yes, it's on now."

"Fuck. Restart or just cut the footage later?"

"Eh, just cut the footage. It's getting edited anyway." She saw the barest of movements in her peripherals; a shoulder shrug if she had to guess. He cleared his throat as she moved out of frame, pulling him forward.

"And start."

"Welcome to The Jupiter, Officer. You have been hand-selected from a group of highly capable, intelligent beings from all over the galaxy to help guide this ship in its mission across the universe." She laughed quietly at his expression, his eyes flitting over briefly to meet her own before he gestured for her to step forward.

She did so, wings fluttering awkwardly. She let a smile paste itself onto her mouth, awkwardness tainting her movements as she fumbled for her lines.

"But before you can board The Jupiter, you must meet several requirements. First, Common is a must-have language. If you can't communicate, I'm afraid you'll be cut before you even step into the arena. Second, rudimentary combat skills are needed. You will be landing in several highly dangerous areas and being able to defend yourself from danger is required. Last, but certainly not least, you need to have a unique skill set and a broad range of knowledge. If the engines break down and your engineer is out of commission, you need to be able to step forward and get those engines running again. While this is not everything, these are the basics of what you need before your training begins."

You have such a cute writing style! The way that the story began was so captivating... It sort of reminded me of like an opening scene to a movie, the camera rolling, and the two having fun, laughing all the while. It is an adorable way to start off. The way that all of the characters expressions and actions are caught is so mesmerizing, and I already love the characters even if I don't know the story yet.~

Middle

"Hold up, Blue's dead?" Disbelief dripped off Coral's tongue as the Sproutling stared up at Rose. Avi felt her wings twitch as she caught sight of Purple clinging to the Merling, limbs visibly shaking, quick breaths echoing in the hollow space between them all. Blood caked Purple's legs and hands, mostly dried but some still oozed every time Rose moved or redjusted. [change to readjusted]

"Yes, they had a screwdriver driven through their throat. It looked..." Rose trailed off, shooting an uneasy look at Purple. "...intentional." The word was whispered softly, but Purple flinched anyways. Avi glanced sideways, noting the red hot anger rolling off Yellow in palpable waves, his fingers twitching at his side. He looked as if he wanted to reach forward and grab Purple away from Rose. She'd known those two had gotten close, but hadn't noticed that they'd gotten that close.

"Intentional? So somebody murdered Blue is what you're saying." That was Maroon, the skittish Gunner twitching with every word, head moving in minute increments to switch rapidly between everybody. Void coiled around their feet; tendrils of liquid shadow and glittering white specks that blinked at them suspiciously.

"Yes." The Merling nodded slowly, head tilted to the side to watch everyone. Lime frowned, wings fluttering at her side as she stepped forward.

"Coral, I believe you have information on what may have helped cause this?" Avi switched her attention to Coral, the diminutive figure nodding swiftly, hands clasped in his lap.

"We have very recently entered new territory, which you may have noticed when we were hit a while back." A few hesitant nods throughout the Cafeteria, mumbled acknowledgements. "It was not an asteroid as most believed, but instead a hostile ship. We were boarded in Navigation by two of these hostiles, both were killed by Yellow. Me, Grey, and Maroon thought the threat was gone, but it seems as if one more had gotten onboard on the left hand side of The Jupiter."

Purple's head turned to face Coral and Avi could picture the confusion on the young Bunn's face, strong enough to briefly overpower the grief.

"What kind of hostile?" She asked quietly.

"A race I believe are called Imposters due to their abilities. After collecting a dead body, they digest it and gain the memories and ability to shapeshift into them. If you notice any irregularities with the crew, if somebody's just a little off, you need to point it out immediately. I think there's only one, since we got the other two but we need to be careful. One of us here in this room is the Imposter." Coral's words rang out with a sharp finality, dulling the chit-chatter of some of the crewmates and throwing the room into stifling silence.

"What? What do you mean that there's only one onboard with us." Red was standing now, voice firm but raised to reverberate over the hushed whispers in the room, feet planted firmly on the ground, staring down at Coral. Corl stared back up at him, impassively, swaying slightly.

Woah, that was a dramatic change: We were watching two people having fun and exchanging smiles, and now we are off to 'someone is dead'. Also, I was today years old when I found out skittish is in fact spelled skittish and not skiddish. Totally did not see that one coming. Anyways, as the plot plays out, good job adding in all the visual language. It just keeps getting better. It took me a long time to figure out this is based off of among us (Sorry I am SO slow) Ouhhh so it isn't that someone died; It is that someone was murdered. Everything makes sense now; I love this so much.

Ending

"I said what I said. I'm sorry, but until we find out who it is, there's not much we can do other than take precautions. Anything unusual, report it to Gray or me."

"But what if it's you or Gray? What then?" Red fired back, stepping closer to the tiny Sproutling. Coral hesitated before responding.

"I was with Gray the entire time, it's not either of us. If it is, you have my full permission to take us out."

Red settled back, apparently satisfied with that but his hands shook as he sat back down, head tilting in a silent question to everyone else.

"If that's that, I'd say Purple or Rose is rather suspicious. Purple found Blue's body rather quickly and Rose was close enough that it couldn't have been a coincidence." Cyan spoke, slamming a hand on the cafeteria table and glaring towards the two. Purple's head shot up, whipping towards Cyan.

"She watched Blue die and you're blaming her?" Yellow stood up abruptly, taking a half-step closer to Cyan who instinctively stepped back. The Feli said nothing in defense of Rose who stood there quietly, still holding Purple to her side. A low snarl erupted from him, reverberating through the air with a soft hum. Cyan held out their hands in a placating gesture, backtracking hastily.

"It's probably not Purple, but you have to admit Rose is suspicious. She got there so fast." The Healer spoke quickly, still moving swiftly backwards out of reach. Yellow paused, turning his attention to Rose.

Enough. A voice cut through Avi's mind and she winced, turning towards Green. Everyone's head swiveled to face him. It is too early to make assumptions. You all are dismissed, continue as normal. He stood up gracefully, movement fluid as he simply left towards Navigation. Lime hesitated before falling into step on his right hand side, the two walking in silence for a few minutes.

"What's going to happen to us?" She said softly, letting herself fall into a seat and spinning the chair to face Green.

We're going to be fine. I'll get us out of this mess.

"And if you don't?"

A pause.

We'll simply hope it doesn't come to that.

I am curious of the meaning behind the underlined text? Either way this part is so thrilling!! A whole murder documentary come to life!! I never looked at a game like this, but I am glad you wrote it. This whole story is filled with twists and turns that make me want to read a part 2!! Keep up the good work ❤️


Sending love,
KaeRae

Introduction:

SWOOSH! Greetings, lovely soul! Cupid here, armed with my bow, arrow, and a sprinkle of stardust for an enchanting adventure. Today, I'm diving into the captivating world of reviews with my very own Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlight. It's like the incredible YWS S'more Method, but with a dash of cupid's magic! Let's get flying, shall we?

Fluttering Wings - Initial Impressions:

With each click and whispered word, your story unfurls like a tapestry woven with threads of raw emotion and playful banter. I feel as though I'm standing on the precipice of adventure, gazing out into the vast unknown alongside your characters. The subtle tension that permeates the air draws me in, leaving me eager to unravel the mysteries that lie ahead!

Arrow Adjustments - Love Crafting Suggestions:

As we journey deeper into the heart of your narrative, I can't help but feel a surge of excitement mingled with a desire to lend a helping hand. There are moments where a gentle nudge or a whispered suggestion could enhance the brilliance of your storytelling. Perhaps a bit more clarity here, a touch more depth there—subtle adjustments that have the power to elevate your tale to even greater heights? But it's all about your creativity and your perspective on how you wanted to write your story!! <(*^▽^*)~ ❤️

Golden Harp Strumming - Heavenly Highlights:

Amidst the swirling currents of dialogue and action, there are moments of pure magic that take my breath away. From the heart-wrenching revelation of Blue's demise to the palpable tension simmering beneath Coral's revelation, each scene is a testament to your skill as a storyteller. Your ability to craft such vivid and compelling imagery leaves me spellbound, eagerly anticipating what lies on the next page.

Cherished Verses - Cupid's Favorite Lines:

💖

"Hold up, Blue's dead?" Disbelief dripped off Coral's tongue as the Sproutling stared up at Rose. Avi felt her wings twitch as she caught sight of Purple clinging to the Merling, limbs visibly shaking, quick breaths echoing in the hollow space between them all. Blood caked Purple's legs and hands, mostly dried but some still oozed every time Rose moved or readjusted.

🌟 Why I Loved It: This line captures the raw emotion and shock of the moment with vivid imagery and palpable tension. The juxtaposition of disbelief and horror paints a powerful picture of the scene, drawing the reader deeper into the narrative!!

💖

"Yes, they had a screwdriver driven through their throat. It looked... intentional." Rose trailed off, shooting an uneasy look at Purple. "...intentional." The word was whispered softly, but Purple flinched anyways. Avi glanced sideways, noting the red hot anger rolling off Yellow in palpable waves, his fingers twitching at his side. He looked as if he wanted to reach forward and grab Purple away from Rose.

🌟 Why I Loved It: Wow, you skillfully convey the chilling realization of foul play with haunting imagery and subtle characterization and I'm here for it!! The tension between Rose, Purple, and Yellow adds depth to the scene, leaving the reader on the edge of their seat. ⭐

💖

"What kind of hostile?" She asked quietly.

"A race I believe are called Imposters due to their abilities. After collecting a dead body, they digest it and gain the memories and ability to shapeshift into them. If you notice any irregularities with the crew, if somebody's just a little off, you need to point it out immediately. I think there's only one, since we got the other two but we need to be careful. One of us here in this room is the Imposter."

🌟 Why I Loved It: The way you introduce the compelling elements of mystery and danger into the story was beautifully done! setting the stage for intrigue and suspense can be really hard to write and make it beliveable or even just stand out to the readers, but I think you staged this scene perfectly. The revelation of the Imposters' abilities adds a sense of urgency to the characters' plight, keeping the reader on the edge of their seat, well done! (Now, if only you could teach me how xD)

Final Whispers - Closing Thoughts:

As our journey through the clouds draws to a close, you should know that your story has
left me speechless! It's a testament to the power of friendship, courage, and resilience in the face of adversity—a reminder of the boundless possibilities that await us among the stars. With a fond sigh and a flutter of wings, I bid thee adieu, lovely Poltergeist, until we meet again in the luminous tapestry of your imagination!

Sending you all my love and heart-shaped arrows, Cupid! 💘