Young Writers Society

Hello Love! Here to review!

Her I trusted as life

How does one trust someone as life? As much as life, as I did life maybe, but not just as.

As her nod, I yearned for the pondering gaze.

As her nod? Darling, I think you mean 'as she nodded'.

I was scared last night: cold affright,

I'm not sure what affright means, but I think you mean 'cold from fright'. Also, you can delete ":". You can delete them all through the poem actually, because they're not needed.


The farther I got into this poem, the more impressed I was. The imaginary is extraordinary, and if you fix the grammar tweaks, it's be perfect. I didn't write all the problems with the grammar down, because as always I'm pressed for time, but there are a lot of problems that need fixed. A lot of your punctuation isn't needed, and your wording is messed up on a few of the lines. But seriously, this was really good. I applaud you.

Anwesha! Hey, let me hit you up with a simple Quick Critique from moi, Alf!

CONCEPT & THEME:
Simply serene! You have told a story of someone's death as openly and free as the birds Sorry for my poetic comment, but I really like how you represented death. Other piece just see it as a dark, evil thing, but here, you shown it like it was as natural as nature--the fire, the water--itself. The dark theme of death, though, is still kept around the verses, so I think this is well preserved.

FLOW:
One of the strongest points of this piece is its flow. Unlike few narratives, this piece is clearly writ straightforwardly, telling the story together with their sense and message without interjecting lines about them. I think this is a very positive aspect

STYLE & SCHEME:
You implemented rhyme. Beautiful I think writing rhyming poetry is more of a challenge than the common ones, if not all of them are. You did implement the rhymes well, but the problem here is that your use of them stops the verses from being dynamic. Some even seem FORCED to be like that. Let them free, please. You see, a poem is not only restricted to using highfalutin words and rhymes, but also form. Don't use extensive marks like commas and colons and don't focus on bringing in the scheme. Allow your poetry to be spacious

TECHNICALITIES:

The buccaneers smirk and claws of the crow. Her will.

I believe this is a very confusing verse. What exactly are those claws and smirks, and her will? I think they're not much of a use. If you really like them, expound on them please

When I’d forget, at her sight by my bed:
I was scared last night: cold affright,

As I've stated a while ago, the use of some of the marks are very senseless. Do fix these verses

That's all I can say for now. You have a very beautiful piece, here, Anwe, you just need to have a little edit, and it'll be the best

Good luck writing!

Your newest pal,
Al