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A War With No End Chapter 2

When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was the fact that my entire arm was on fire. Not figuratively speaking, but literally. Not only did my arm hurt like the backside of Hell, but it was actually burning. Orange flames danced across my arm, jiggling merrily to their own happy tune of pain, sorrow, and death.

I screamed, and wiggled my arm around like a wet noodle. In the process of doing so, I managed to set fire to my bed, clothes, and just about everything else within one hundred feet of me.

I ran out of my room screaming madly, and bowled into someone. They lunged away from me, and rolled around on the floor madly. Of course, THEIR fire went out. Not mine. I was still on fire. What fun!

Apparently running madly in circles like a decapitated chicken doesn’t put the fire out. Not sure why, It should work. A blast of white foam washed over me, almost sending me flying with it’s sheer force. The stream continued for a few more seconds before stopping, and leaving me covered in foam. “Thanks.”

The woman holding the fire extinguisher (Yes, that’s right. Few hundred years in the future and this is still the best thing we have to put out a fire quickly) glared at me, and swung the extinguisher at my head like a bat.

I narrowly dodged it, and the wind blew some of the foam on the top of my head away. “What was that for?” I yelled.

She swiped at me again, and I lunged out of the way. I turned and sprinted away from her as fast as I could. Jeesh, that was the second time that day too. I ran all the way back to the council chambers, and burst inside. They all stared at me for a moment, and then burst out yelling. Guards charged inside, and leveled their guns at me. I yelped, and threw myself to the ground. Just so you know, the sound of laser beams is not a ‘pew pew’ type of noise. It’s more of a constipated Giant trying to use the toilet. The loud roar of the laser weapons roared above me, and several red beams shot over me, burning through the walls and sizzling to nothing.

“Wait, don’t shoot! It’s me, Drake Jinx!” I yelled.

The guards ignored me, and prepared to shoot again. The council man who had talked to me before stood up and held out his hand. “Mr. Jinx, what on earth happened to you?”

I groaned. “Shit. Shit happened to me.”

He smirked, and waved for the guards to lower their weapons. “Don’t make any threatening moves.” One of them warned.

I nodded agreeably. I didn’t want to turn into a fry roast any more than the next man. I raised my arms above my head, and tried to look unthreatening.

That’s when my arm caught fire again. Why me? I dove to the floor once more, and barely managed to dodge the red beams. “Hold your fire!”

The guards all propped their guns back up on the floor and froze into motionless human statues. The council member inspected my flaming appendage carefully. After a moment, he tossed me a little box. I snatched it from the air, or that was what I wanted to do. Instead, I smacked it across the room and it bounced off of Rusty, who was just entering the council room.

“Blast it, Jinx. Get your crap together.” He growled.

I reddened and hurried over to him to pick the box up. I opened it to reveal a silver chain necklace with a small golden pendant picturing a flame. Carefully, I picked it up with my flaming hand, and slipped it over my head. Instantly, the fire rushed from my arm into the little necklace. It shimmered brightly, and then returned to normal.

“Thank you, Council. Could you explain to me why…that happened? I have never heard or read about it.”

One of the Council members nodded. “You are correct. As one of the Council said before, you are expendable. Therefore, you make a wonderful research subject. We attempted altering the Leap so that it would also give the ability to control fire. It appears we failed, considering you have no control over that flame and it is restricted to the arm that touched the device that allowed you to gain the power to Leap.”

I frowned, but there was nothing I could complain about. Half of the council wanted me dead, and I don’t think they care how. “May I head off now?”

A councilwoman frowned. “You need to know how to use the power, don’t you?”

I shook my head. “No, I’ve studied the subject quite thoroughly. I believe I can easily control the Leap.”

“Very well. Before you go, wait for your partner. We can’t just let you gain an unparalleled power and then allow you to traipse off where you will, can we?”

I sighed. There go my dreams of vacations on warm, sandy beaches with clear blue waters and laser cannons with optical scopes carried by dragons…whoops. Going off track there.

“So, will my new slavedriv…eh, partner be here soon?” I asked.

A council member opened his mouth to respond, but I felt a slight heat in my right shoulder. Instinctively, I spun and raised my right hand to shoulder level. A moment later, an orange beam blasted through the doors and slammed into my hand. It rotated for a moment in my palm, and rushed into the necklace with a twinkle.

“Whoa! Did you all see that, because nobody better forget the time when Drake Jinx blocked a medium intensity laser beam with his hand!”

“Oh, do be quiet. Lilly, you can come in now. Drake has managed to draw the power out of your medium intensity beam.”

The doors opened, and the crazy fire extinguisher wielding woman from before strode in. I yelped, and dove behind a table. “Not her! She’s got it out for me, I tell ‘ya!” I yelled.

She stalked over to me and yanked me upright. “I don’t like you, but the council told me to baby sit you while you waltz around trying to build an army. I’m still pretty sure a rock would make a better commander than you would.” She spat.

I shrugged. “Well, since that’s all you appear to have for brains…”

I leapt over the tabletop to avoid her tackle, and she nearly crashed into a council member. “Enough! Mr. Jinx, you will go to the Void immediately, and do not return here until you have an army strong enough to defeat this strange army. Lilly will be going with you. Now get out of our sight.”

And with that, the entire council stood up as one and strode out of the room, leaving Lilly and I left alone. She glared at me. “Let’s get this over already so someone stabs you and I can go back home.”
I shrugged. I walked up to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder. So, that parts over. All I need to do now is manage to use the minimal knowledge I learned from reading documentaries from people who could Leap to actually attempt to do that very thing. Maybe I should have listened to their explanation?

I closed my eyes, and immediately noticed faint green lines in the darkness. I focused more of my attention on them, and they moved around like a pit of snakes, forming into a green cubical grid. I opened my eyes, and the green cube stayed suspended in my vision. I dragged Lilly through the doors in the direction of the cube, and it slowly got larger as we walked across the hall.

“Where are you taking me?” Lilly growled, and knocked my hand from her shoulder.

“Cork it. You’ll see in a moment.” I muttered, and grabbed her shoulder again. The green cube was now so large I couldn’t see the top. I carefully walked past one of the green lines, and when nothing happened, continued towards the center.

Moments later, I saw it. Just as the books had described, there was a green circle in the middle of the grid. I walked over onto the circle, and a wave of darkness washed over us. I could hear Lilly screaming something about stabbing thousands of little harmless puppies in front of me if I didn’t stop using my foul magic on her. Ignoring her, I looked around in fascination as faint green lines began to etch themselves across the darkness in front of me.

There were so many, I couldn’t have counted them all in a hundred lifetimes. The green cube appeared in front of us again, and then shrunk itself down to a size that was about the size of a basketball. “That’s amazing!” I whispered.

Lilly was holding a gun towards my head. “What did you do?” She cried.

“I activated the Leap. Now, put your dumb gun away. It doesn’t work on me, remember?”

“That’s only if I use it on medium, nimrod.”

I was no longer listening, having long since wandered over to the cube. I carefully reached to it, and made an expanding motion with my hands. The cube floated up higher into the darkness, and expanded exponentially. It became rectangular and thin, much like a cracker, and then multiplied itself so there was an enormous stack of green crackers before me.

I swiped upwards with my hand, and the green plates spun for almost thirty seconds before coming to a stop. The one directly in front of me pulled itself from the stack and turned so that I could look at it like a computer screen. Hundreds of little white dots appeared on it, making it look like a grid.

“So this is the Void.” I whispered.

“What’s a void?”

“The Void, not a void. It’s the space between the packets of time, where no time flows. Right now, nothing is happening in any time period, or rather, we have just exited the flow of time. In here, you are immortal. I’m not even sure if you can die in here.”

Lilly grinned. “Want to find out?”

I shook my head hastily. “No, I’ll leave that to someone more qualified. Back to matters at hand though, look at these dots. This green plate is a single world, and the farther to the right you go, the later into this planet’s time period you enter. They’re stacked in columns by the way. I hope you know what a column is…”

Lilly nudged me with the barrel of her laser pistol. “Mhm. The targets are columns. Funny, you look like a column too, It would be a shame If I accidentally shot you.”

“Is that a compliment saying I’m not fat?”

She gave me a rude gesture, and I held my hands up in defeat. “Sorry, sorry. Now, let’s make our first stop. You’re gonna have to do the fighting for us, since I set all my weapons on fire. All I have on me is this little dagger I made in my free time.” I said, pulling a small hilt from my back pocket.

“An energy dagger? Why on earth would you make that? Nobody fights with swords or daggers anymore, you nimrod.”

I shrugged, and pressed my hand to a random white dot on the plate, about halfway through its visible timeline. The grid disappeared along with all of our light. “Drake, what did you do?” She asked, a tinge of worry in her voice.

“Call me Jinx.” I called back, and with that last remark, we were both spat from the darkness like a vegetable from a little kid’s mouth.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Hi again!

Just found a few things:

Not sure why, It should work

"It" shouldn't be capitalized.

I ran all the way back to the council chambers, and burst inside. They all stared at me for a moment, and then burst out yelling.


I wouldn't use the verb "burst" twice, it sounds repetitive.

leaving Lilly and I left alone


This is redundant, just say leaving Lilly and I alone.

In here, you are immortal. I’m not even sure if you can die in here.”


Well, if you are immortal, you can't die, so having the second sentence is kind of pointless.


General Comments:

So the experiment involving giving Jinx the power to control fire seems really random and unconnected with the rest of the plot. If you want to add that in, I would put more reasoning behind it.
Also, Lilly's confusion seems a bit much. I get that she wouldn't have experienced something like this before, but she should have read at least as much as Jinx, if she's supposed to be his partner.
This chapter definitely needs more work than the first, but it's still got the element of humor that makes me like this story. :)

HopelessAbandon

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manisha
Review
manisha wrote a review · Sun Jul 27, 2014 5:11 am

Happy Review day!

I'm going to lay off the typos and grammatical mistakes and concentrate on the story itself.

This chapter seems to be poorly thought out. Chapter one did really well, but this is lacking in many places.

Firstly, why does Lily have so much hatred towards Jinx? The part where she tried to hit him with the extinguisher is confusing. It seemed so random and unexplained. Jinx doesn't even seem to recognize her.
Also, it seems convenient that they had that pendant with them (in the council chambers) when Jinx came rushing in. If that that know that would happen one would think that they would have warned him about it. This war doesn't seem like a small matter but everyone seems to be acting like it is all in some joke. What I trying to say is add some seriousness to the parts that require it. Jinx can continue being funny but the others don't have to humor him right?

The next unlikely part is when Lily freaks out when they Leap. She was assigned the job of a partner hence she must have been coached on the purpose of the mission. She would know that Jinx was going to Leap and maybe even know how Leaping looks as it looks to be a big thing in their world. Which is why Lily's reactions seem very odd.

overall, other than the parts I pointed out the ending was good. The whole void and all that. Especially the last line, that was spot on.

Keep writing!

The reason that Lilly hates Jinx so much is explained later in the story. And the council had the pendant with the because they knew that his arm would catch fire (Explained in either this or one of the next chapters). And while Lilly did know the purpose of the mission, she never knew how Leaping worked. And as i explain near the middle of the story, only one person can have the power of Leaping at a time, so while it is a big deal, not many people know how it works.

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ChyrsoStemma Review

This was really good, but I did find a few mistakes.

1. "I nodded agreeably. I didn’t want to turn into a fry roast any more than the next man." This should be, "I nodded agreeably; I didn’t want to turn into a fry roast any more than the next man." Since he is you are giving the reason why he is nodding.

2. '“Whoa! Did you all see that, because nobody better forget the time when Drake Jinx blocked a medium intensity laser beam with his hand!”'
Right here you didn't say who said this. At first, I was confused, but when I read farther I figured it out. Maybe say, '“Whoa! Did you all see that, because nobody better forget the time when Drake Jinx blocked a medium intensity laser beam with his hand!” a slightly familiar voice exclaimed.' Then, he recognizes her later.

3. '“Is that a compliment saying I’m not fat?”

She gave me a rude gesture, and I held my hands up in defeat. “Sorry, sorry. Now, let’s make our first stop. You’re gonna have to do the fighting for us, since I set all my weapons on fire. All I have on me is this little dagger I made in my free time.” I said, pulling a small hilt from my back pocket.'

On this, try combining the two paragraphs into one, or at least when Lilly talks again say it is her.

This was really good!

Thanks! However, it looks like you came to the wrong conclusion on who said the part about getting shot with the laser... that was actually Drake himself. XD

no problem lol

Hey there! :D

Suggestions

I screamed, and wiggled
I don't think you really need the comma here.
Not sure why, It should work.
The "I" should be lowercase or you need to turn the comma into a period.
seconds before stopping, and leaving me covered in foam
I think it would sound better if you word it like this: leaving me covered in the white fluffy stuff. I only say that because you already say the word foam in the same paragraph.
(Yes, that’s right. Few hundred years in the future and this is still the best thing we have to put out a fire quickly)
You should punctuate that and not just leave it open.
Jeesh, that was the second time that day too.
What exactly was the second time? Be more specific because that is kinda confusing.
constipated Giant
Giant should be lowercase.
Could you explain to me why…that happened?
I feel like you don't need the ... here.
strode out of the room, leaving Lilly and I left alone.
It would sound better if you get rid of the word "left".
Let’s get this over already so someone
You should add the word with in this sentence like this: Let's get this over with already.
Funny, you look like a column too, It would be a shame If I accidentally shot you.
The i in "It" doesn't need to be capital.

As always, these are just suggestions and you don't actually have to do any of them. And... well, you've already heard this before! So you know that they are just helpful ideas.

Lovely Stuff
I screamed, and wiggled my arm around like a wet noodle. In the process of doing so, I managed to set fire to my bed, clothes, and just about everything else within one hundred feet of me.
*faceplam* Really? Bahaha!
It’s more of a constipated Giant trying to use the toilet.
And interesting concept... xD
Only he could manage to not catch something and hit it into something that tried to kill him earlier. But kinda funny.
Awesome descriptions of the green grid and such. :D
Fantastic way to end the chapter! Great ending!

Overview
So overall I found a few more errors in this chapter than the last but this one had more comedy in it. As always, you have great writing! And I love the way you ended it by him telling her to call him by his last name. xD It was awesome!



So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookcase on the wall.
— Roald Dahl