Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: This was a pretty cool start to a story. It kinda had a bit of a weak ending but the as a start this was quite amazing. It really feels like a well developed world and a properly thought out plot.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Wrapping her shawl around her slender shoulders, Liana shivered in the chilly beginning of the winter wind, which swept its way down all the way from the Colorado River to the mountain valley of the dead ruins of Risting Ranch. Her mare's bay coat under her saddle already looked like it was ready for a hard winter. Liana slid her ice cold hands under the saddle blanket for warmth from the horse's body. She had just come back from Sunday sermon in Tipple and was heading to her lonely home down the mountain.
Oooh love little bit of setting right there to set things up. A wonderful way to start...just about the right size and some great description that really puts you wonderfully into the perspective of those that are in the story.
The little town of Tipple wasn't much. It was more like a community of Christian families. Unlike most Colorado mountain towns in 1870, there were no saloons or gamblers. Crime was scarce. The preacher held services on Saturdays, Sundays, Wednesdays, and every other Thursday. The town also had town hall meetings, which Tom Risting, her former fiancé, was a big part of. Her fiancé died in the mines seven months and twelve days ago. The struggle to save him only ended in a tragic memory. It seemed that Liana counted every day, every hour, every second she spent feeling so alone without him.
Oh no...we have ourselves a pretty decently developed looking but sad backstory. A decent place to include like that...definitely does get your attention as a reader.
Out of curiosity, Liana cantered her horse faster until she reached the edge of the large hill. She scanned her eyes over the hill and saw the horse, but not the rider. As she got closer, she realized that the man had fallen off the horse and was lying in the snow, unconscious. Her first thought was that it might be her father, and he might be hurt. She cantered her mare down the hill, approaching the horse and the fallen man. Climbing off her horse, she realized that this man was not her father at all, but a much younger stranger. He had dark eyebrows with brown hair peeping out of his black hat. He was in need of a shave and could use a bath, but he was noticeably handsome. There was a leather strap secured around his leg where he tried to stop the bleeding of a gunshot wound to his thigh. There was a stab wound on his chest and a cut on his hand. Liana didn't know what to do, since she had not been in this situation before. She knew she had to get him to Dr. Wilford, the only doctor in town.
Ahh...well a classic scene to open on...well definitely a nice sense of suspense to the whole thing as to what might happen and that is of course is a great thing to see at the start of a story.
First, she checked to see if the man was alive or dead. She knelt down and nudged him on the shoulder. Her gentle little nudge disturbed his wound and he yelped aloud. He came into consciousness, pulling out a pistol from his gun belt and pointing it at her. She gasped, jumping back from him. His arm fell and he dropped the gun on the ground. Nobody in Tipple carried weapons. There was no reason to. Perhaps this man was running from the law. Oh, if anyone knew this man was an outlaw, he'd be booted out of town for sure, dieing or not. So, Liana began to search for more guns. She took his gun belt off, which had two pistols at his sides, and then she found a holstered Colt at his shoulder. There was a rifle scabbard strapped to his saddle. She took that off to. This man was no ordinary game hunter with all those pistols. Carefully gathering up all the guns in her arm, she hid them in the brush nearby. His survival came first, then justice. Even though the man might be dangerous, she couldn't just leave him here. It wouldn't be Christian of her. So, she led her mare closer to the man and decided to get him up on her. It was easier thought of than done. When a person is limb, they seem much heavier. Nevertheless, she managed to hoist the man up on the saddle.
Well that's a lovely philosophy to have, that's for sure, and of course that is a ton of guns for one person to have in their …definitely very intriguing indeed.
“Was he awake when you found him?” he asked.
“He fell off his horse when I saw him. He only woke up once, but just for a few seconds,” she said, watching as the doctor checked the man's vital signs.
“He's got a deep stab wound, broken leg and gunshot wound, damage to his ribs, and he's probably dehydrated,” Dr. Wilford said.
That seems very realistic...that's about what a doctor should be doing as soon as they see a patient.
Three days after Liana had found the no name on the mountainside, she came in, as she did a couple times a day, to check on his progress. The man was still unconscious and she feared he wouldn't wake. Dr. Wilford informed her that his wounds were healing up just fine but he was still dehydrated and the concussion probably took a major toll on him. A young boy was in with the flue and Dr. Wilford was busy helping the cobbler's wife with her late pregnancy. There had been many calls for the doctor of the little town of Tipple. Now that he could do no more for the recovering stranger, he knew he had to send him off somewhere else to rehabilitate.
Umm...wait a minute...I'm no doctor but dehydration seems like something you gotta deal with urgently. Days without usually equals slow painful death so I feel that should have been dealt with by now.
“I hope that young man will wake up soon, Miss Pervis,” the doctor called out from the other room. “I haven't had a sicker, injury-prone year in a long time.”
Well he hasn't met 2020 yet...
Opening his eyes and staring up at her, looking confused and disoriented, he said, “An angel?”
The most cliché line ever but...I love it.
“Colorado?” Morgan exclaimed. “Huh. How long have I been here?”
“Three days."
Interesting choice of end point there...we don't really get any information from him so not really a cliffhanger...just kind of feel like it was randomly chopped but the rest of it was definitely interesting enough for me to want to continue reading...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this is a really cool idea...I would only advise that you make this ending more of a cliffhanger than this. Other than that I would totally continue to read this and in fact I hope that I run into more parts of it.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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