Published September 28, 2011
Imagine ten years have passed
You encounter the memories of the past
X: You seem familiar
Do you live somewhere near?
Y: Is it Joe from high school?
Hey, it is me--Mridul...
X: It's been a long time!
Y: 10 years--let us have some wine.
X: Sure, how's your life been these years?
Y: It went with the flow--some laughter and some tears
How about you?
X: I got married and now have a family too.
Y: How's Paul these days?
Does he still try his unique ways?
X: He's been dead for a year now.
He didn't see the truck coming somehow.
Y: Oh! That's sad..
He used to be a creative lad..
X: And the girl you'd crush on
Y: The Princess of Snow!
X: She got married a week ago.
Y: I don't like her anymore
X: A lie! You jumped in rejoice only a moment before
Y: Leave that! Where are our other comrades?
X: Billy got a job, he went to the States.
John married Kate,
And you're a little late
'Cause Jean already met her fate
She shot herself dead
I guess she was the victim of intense hate.
Things have changed
Once strong, our friendship has aged
We all have our seperate ways
Unlike those Golden Days...
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140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
okay so not really my taste in litature but i gotta give you some points for creativeness this is the first piece that had an idea like this but i really don't like the rhyme sheme you used, not that i don't like the whole piece but i'm not a fan of this scheme i'm more of a free verse kinda person where the words don't have to rhyme, mostly cause i don't wanna take the time to think i just wanna pour out what i feel but you're different i can tell you take time on things like this and for that i take my hat of to you, the world needs more patient authors, keep up the good work and i promise to read more of your peices and try not to make the rest of my comments so lengthy, i tend to do that alot but there's just so much to be said:)
~Callenlover
Hello there!!
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this piece. There are some elements that I like and others that I don't.
As soon as I read this, I had a basic idea of what the poem was going to be like. It felt like you tried too hard to rhyme and sacrificed effective writing in the process. However, I realize that rhyming was a big part of the rest of the poem, so you probably wanted to introduce that early on. I just wish that, if you were going to rhyme, you would've found words that weren't as plain as 'passed' and 'past.'
This part of the poem jumped out at me. It possesses a rhythm that I can't seem to find in the rest of the poem but that I really wish was there. It's almost whimsical, in a way. If the rest of the poem had been like these three lines, I would've enjoyed reading it much more.
Always remember that if you like what you write, what anybody else says doesn't matter. I'm just giving you my opinion.
I think that, with some work, you could have a great piece here! Always keep writing!!