Hello, Steggy here for a short review!
Let me just say: wow. I like the formatting on here for several reasons and one of them is because it almost seems like the narrator is panicking about what is going to happen to them because their father left. It adds that sense of suspense, I suppose, to the poem. Another thing I like about this type of style is that it is almost like onomatopoeia but without the actually sound effects, if that makes sense. Like, when I'm reading it, I can hear the range in how the speaker is speaking in my head. Also, the mood of the poem is affected by how the format. In any case, let's get onto the reviewing part.
As a reader, I want to know why the father left. You might've thought it would be foreshadowed at the reader was reading but it feels bit unclear to me. I'm thinking that the father left because, as it says in the poem, is because of a war that was happening and he wanted to protect the homeland from invasion. But then again, that could be wrong. If you were to say why his father left, don't put it out suddenly. Ease up on it.
Another thing I want to touch up on is imagery. I do like, as I said, how the style gives us a small piece of what is happening but I think you should give some descriptions about what is happening then and now.
Overall, this was a nice read. The structure gave way into something great; not many poems that I know of could pull this style off but instead, in this one, it kind of smoothed out the mood of the whole thing.
If you have any questions, let me know!
Steggy
Points: 25891
Reviews: 279
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