The Silver Lining ch 1.4

Hola, Sunny!

What made it even worse was when Jack called his landlady “Miss Dominique”. It turned out to be a mistake because “Miss Dominique” then insisted that he call her “Lettie”. Juliet looked up and let her jaw drop. He hoped his expression did not show as much open disbelief as hers did.

I don’t quite get the importance of her asking him to call her “Lettie”? Is that too personal for a landlady and resident, or was she like… flirting with him??

He did as he was told and stood by the doorway, resisting the urge to roll his eyes like a teenager. You might say Lettie was hitting below the belt, catching him where he was weak.

What do you mean by this, hitting him below the belt? It wasn’t like Lettie insulted him, right? Try to go into more detail here.

He preferred the authenticity of the smaller overpass to the busy suspension bridge.

I don’t think you need to say this. In the previous paragraph, you compare the two bridges and you praise the smaller one throughout. The reader can pretty much tell from that which one he likes more, you know? But if you must have this, reword it a bit, so it doesn’t sound so bluntly said.

Every now and then Moya would bound ahead of him barking at pigeons and chasing squirrels, before she bounded back and allowed him to pet her a little. She didn’t seem too fond of Juliet, so she just stayed away from her. Jack could tell that Moya’s presence made her uncomfortable; she walked stiffly and seemed to freeze whenever Moya came anywhere near her.

Does this bother Jack that his dog doesn’t like Juliet and she doesn’t favor Moya either? I guess this is just something to consider…

Jack even found himself whistling quietly whenever he’d fallen a few paces behind his escort.

I kind of feel like this is an awkward place to end. Maybe try to add a bit more here or end somewhere else, just so you don’t leave us hanging at such a odd place, you know?

~ ~ ~ ~

Sunny, this was lovely. I love how slowly this chapter moved. Usually that bothers me, but this one it didn’t. It was a easy-going chapter, one that I feel was needed to really understand Lettie and Juliet. Maybe emphasize more about Lettie in the beginning but other than that, I have no complaints for this.

I look forward to more =]

I do hope though that something important happens on this walk. Though I'm assuming something will.

Oh, gosh! Am I really that bad at pacing? I guess you could say "something" happens, but it's nothing dramatic, nothing awe inspiring. You learn more about Juliet and Jack, that's all. I'm beginning to feel kind of bad about this.

~Sunny

Hey Sunny--

That breakfast certainly was a maladroit affair, as he had predicted.

That? I think "the breakfast" sounds better -- not quite sure why you say "that".

What made it even worse was when Jack called his landlady “Miss Dominique”. It turned out to be a mistake because “Miss Dominique” then insisted that he call her “Lettie”. Juliet looked up and let her jaw drop. He hoped his expression did not show as much open disbelief as hers did.

You don't make it clear why this should be responded to with disbelief. Is that out of her nature, to be so casual? I don't really pick up on that -- you should point it out.

Jack realized now why he did not like Lettie as much as he did her niece.

I knew he felt uncomfortable around her, didn't pick up so much on not liking. Maybe build up to this by throwing a comment out earlier on.

Jack found during his walk with Juliet that he did not live far from the river Seine.

Considering it's just the two of them, you don't really need to say their names. He and she/him and her are fine. Especially since this is a longer story and not a short, it may get tiresome to see their names. Really, use it for clarity reasons and then maybe when you feel like it, haha.

I'm beginning to really like Juliet! You chracterize very well. Not a lot happened here, and I've already pointed out off things, so this review is going to be rather shorter. Due to the pacing, I imagine this novel is going to be a bit longer, but I'm not having a real issue yet with the pace -- I do hope though that something important happens on this walk. Though I'm assuming something will.

Post more!

~ Clo