One Of Them
You knew that you wanted to look like one of them. You dyed your hair the lightest shade possible, not caring about how dead it would be a few months after, and spent hours going through makeup products and seeing which one looked best on you. You traded your t-shirts with pastel animal illustrations and your bows that were the size of a tumbler cup for fitted crop tops and Victoria's secret bras. The kandi bracelets of many colors that wrapped around your wrists were soon replaced by solid gold bracelets that made a clinking noise whenever you moved your arm.
You knew that you wanted to sound like one of them. You began to talk in a higher pitch, draw out certain vocals, using abbreviations even when you were having conversations IRL. You’d listen to tutorials that taught you how to make your laugh sound more “feminine” as if they were a morning announcement.
You knew that you wanted to act like one of them. Your parents didn’t know why all of a sudden you stopped running to them after school, excited to tell them every part of your day. Why you started rolling your eyes more often and sighing every time they tried hanging out with you. Why you were no longer their little girl, but now someone new. They attempted to talk to you about the sudden change, but were immediately shut down with a harsh scoff and the sound of your door slamming in their faces. You stopped practicing for tests and instead started practicing the latest social media trends, you stopped going to bed on time and started pulling all-nighters that included doomscrolling, you stopped saying ‘hi!’ to people whenever you saw them in the hallways and soon began giving the nastiest side eye to any one who tried talking to you. Well, not them, of course.
You knew that you wanted to be one of them. Everything that you used to do and wear was now something you looked back on and deemed as “cringe”. The girl that used to organize her stuffed animals and put every sticker she managed to find on nearly every wall in her room, is now the girl that sneaks out with her friends at night and keeps track of her followers on her social media accounts.
You knew that you were now one of them. There was no going back, and even if there was, you didn’t want to go back. Even when you saw the tears welling up in your mothers eyes whenever she thought about who you’ve become and what it could lead to in the future, even when you saw the empty seat that your old friend group still saved for you, even when you find one little plushie that you forgot to throw away when you were getting rid of all your old stuff. That plushie is gone now. So is the girl you used to be.
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142,048 Literary Works • 676,461 Reviews
Hi there, Azzy!
Queenie here for a review!
Wow, this is so relatable to me, especially. Sometimes... we all need/have to change to fit in our environment... but this is a very big change from a girl who loved plushies and animals to a girl who followed the latest social media trends and snuck out to hang out with her friends late at night. That is a drastic change. This is just so seemingly relatable to me in the best way ...
Okay, my favourite parts and the ones that stuck with me are these:
These sentences/phrases that I mentioned here give a powerful image of teen change.
I love this short story so much. You did a great job writing this.
My ony critique is that mothers should be mother's. But everything else is amazing!
Don't stop writing!
Queenie
Tysm for taking the time to review!! > <
You are welcome!
this is a very true story of peer pressure and social conformity. i like how you used second person perspective to tell us the hot mess of 'fitting in', and the highlight is probably where you said "You knew that you were now one of them. There was no going back, and even if there was, you didn’t want to go back. Even when you saw the tears welling up in your mothers eyes whenever she thought about who you’ve become and what it could lead to in the future, even when you saw the empty seat that your old friend group still saved for you, even when you find one little plushie that you forgot to throw away when you were getting rid of all your old stuff."
with only a few paragraphs you developed nice pacing structures on teenagers during puberty, and i honestly thought it was a very relatable and bittersweet part of who a lot of us are.
good job!! i enjoyed reading that a lot!
Tysm for reviiewing!! > <
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
I'm Asa, and I will try my best as a beginner to review your story!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
The overall story is about teen puberty, but its wrapped in interesting way! I feel like, its one telling to one-self, but I am not sure. the one who do all the things she wanted, feel like too ignorant to listen or aware on such things. Maybe its from like the future self? Oh, but its all using past tense, so is it a regret from the future? My first impression was pity. But the more I read, the more I feel like her present is too bold for these pity.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
To be honest, I am not sure what to put here, hehe. I enjoy your writing!
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Things was emotional when its related to parent. When the parent, or specifically, mom got broken heart, that feels like, oh she crossed the line. Questions started to appear before my head, like, what makes her this way? But during reading it, it was enjoyable to read as if like being guided to see a change after another. Which is make you won't stop or ask anything, til finally you reach the end, and things started to be like "oh wow, what was that". Impressive!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
I like how the changes are unveiled one by one, and its getting more intense on each paragraph. But what makes it more interesting like, who said all the story. Is it the future self? or the "other self" in present? That was fun to speculate and overall very enjoyable, good work!
awwweee TYSM 4 reviewing!!!! > <
I love the way you lead the short story up with this. This to me seemed like a very good way to put into perspective how trying to fit into society or trying to become someone youre not can slowly suffocate the person you truly are inside.
This is a decently structured short story that really shines a light on what happens when you try to be "One of them".
Thank you, thank you so much! > <