6. Describe the development of the imperial state and the scholar-official class. (Chapter 16)
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The Pottery
It was a normal day during 198BC in China where a poor family lived in the far end of town when they barely had enough money to live. Everyone usually lived in cities but they only live in a small town because they couldn’t afford to live in a city. There was a Mom, Dad, little brother named Chin, and last an older brother named Quin. They named the dog Fighto because he always tried to fight any animal that got near their house. Everyone usually had lots of pets but they only had a dog because they wouldn’t have enough money to feed them all so, they decided to at least have a dog. The Mom was 44, the Dad was 46, the smaller brother was 13, and the older brother was 19.
The older brother Quin wanted to go to school to take the scholar-Official. Sometimes known as scholar- gentlemen, scholar- bureaucrats, and scholar-gentry and they were usually schooled in calligraphy and Confucian texts, and since not many people could become scholar-officials the ones who did helped and leaded their towns or cities they lived in and if they didn't have or want to go back to his/her family stayed and helped create new local laws or collect taxes, but they always did something involving the government.He didn’t have enough money to go take it, so he would always try to find ways to make money. His dad made minimum wage and his mom didn’t have a job. Quin had a job of making pottery items and the money he made he would give it to his family when he would only be left over with 20 percent of what he made.
It was nice cool evening when the whole family was getting ready to go to sleep when the Dad realized that he forgot Fighto outside, so he went to get him. When he opened the door he was sitting down Licking his leg then the dog turned around and went in the house very happily. They all fell asleep except Quin. Quinn was up and kept thinking and getting a weird feeling that couldn't explain it. It was a harsh hurting head from thinking on how to make more money he couldn't make the word money from his mouth go away he couldn't it seemed impossible for him to do it and right when he got a great idea he fell asleep.
It was morning no one was up yet except Quin and his dad because they were getting ready to go to work. Quin left at sunrise and his dad left a couple minutes before sunrise. On the way to work Quin kept thinking of the idea he thought of but couldn’t remember no matter how hard he thought.
He was half way throught the day when someone wanted 92 medium pots and he wanted them in 3 days. Everyone moned and everyone except Quin and another worker said “I won’t come back until the 3 days are over.” Quin thought that it would be impossible for 2 people do make 92 pots in 3 days. It was the end of the day and he had only finished 6 of them so when he got home he just kept thinking I need to work harder I need to work harder.
When he got to work he put all his effort in making the pots. It was half the day and he only finished 32 and still had a long way ahead but remembered that there was a second person that still worked there. He got frustrated after 2 days pasted because he only finished 79 of them and only had half the day to finish them so he started to work again. When he finished the boss gave him a big big reward he gave him 13,983 coins and Quin was very happy because he could now afford to go to school and take the scholar-official test.
Quin took the test and got a perfect score so he started to work with the government and went to buy new clothes from wearing ripped up robes to wearing different clothes each day. Poor people usually wore robes but not the expensive ones the cheapest and less fanciest robes there was and now they have some of the fanciest clothes like the rich people.
Quin helped his family out with money and bought a new house with nice furniture and when he was done he said to his family “I hope you enjoy your new life.” The Han Dynasty began with a peasant revolt against the Qin Emperor.Quin liked to travel a lot with his family so on his vacation he traveled to place that were many many miles away. The most common way everyone traveled was usually by boat along the long Chinese rivers but usually anyone who traveled on boat was trading items. Not that many people went on vacation. Quin changed his name after heestablished the imperial state of han and changed his name to Zolichio because he thought that that name fit him better.
There was a big war and Zolichio and his family didn’t expect it so he sent out troops to fight. The war lasted 4 years because there was something between Zolichio and Xiang Yu so they had to have war.
After the war was done he thought what did the test prove, so he asked people about the test and he got his answer. It was to prove that you were smart enough to be or work with the government and he thought to himself “That's how Icame this far.” The government usually helped the ones that were very poor but Zolichio didn’t help the poor he helped everyone not only certain people.
They started to live a happy life helping others and from there he had a nice life.
THE END
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-"It was nice cool evening when the whole family was getting ready to go to sleep when the Dad realized that he forgot Fighto outside, so he went to get him. When he opened the door he was sitting down Licking his leg then the dog turned around and went in the house very happily." Just a personal preference, but I had no idea why this was included. You don't have to delete it, but think about why you put it there in the first place. Use your words wisely.
-"It was the end of the day and he had only finished 6 of them so when he got home he just kept thinking I need to work harder I need to work harder." Maybe try to italicize I need to work harder and put commas between the thought and the rest of the sentence. It saves the reader the confusion.
-"He was half way throught the day when someone wanted 92 medium pots and he wanted them in 3 days." Through. Also, half-way.
-"Quin changed his name after heestablished the imperial state of han" He established, and also the Han is capitalized.
-“That's how Icame this far.” I came.
Now, onto the actual review:
Unfortunately, I have to make this quick since I have a bunch of work to do today, but I'll try to save you the hassle of long and elaborate descriptions.
Basically, while I liked what it was doing, this story can often seem erratic. The beginning is clear and concise, with the character motivations being obvious and the conflict also making itself self-evident, but then we move on to bigger pastures in the ending and everything becomes sped up. Suddenly he's a government official, he's living the dream, but he's not helping people like he's supposed to--that's a great idea. That could provide for a lot of tension, and a lot of drama as well. But it was done in a somewhat rushed manner, leaving the details of a bigger story at the mercy of a couple lines of description, more telling than showing. You don't have to, but if you want to lure readers in, you've got to show us his internal conflict. You've got to show us why he thinks "What did the test prove?" and why he's ashamed that he didn't help the poor (also, you should probably show us that he didn't help the poor, too). It goes a long way, I swear.
Ultimately, though, this was good for what it was trying to achieve. It provided a snapshot of life at the time and described the era wonderfully. Whether it stands as a fiction piece is a different story entirely, but it was good in its own right.
Signing out,
--EM.
l liked how all your historical facts were correct and also how you showed not telled. Your story was very fun to read and i was entertained and intrigued to read more. I could tell that you put a lot of thought into your story and it was really well thought out. I just have 1 wonder and that is if you could put more detail into some of the story. But anyways you did a really good job on your story!
l liked how all your historical facts were correct and also how you showed not telled. Your story was very fun to read and i was entertained and intrigued to read more.
I liked how descriptive you were and how you showed not telled. The story was very entertaining and provided great historical details. I liked how you really put effort out to make the story a historical and entertaining. I like the ending of the as well overall you did a great job with the story the content and historicalness of it this story also draws you into reading it nice job oreo
I really like the format that you did on this story and all the descripition you had
I liked the beginning and the ending. I wonder if you could shorten your sentences. Also in some parts there wasn't enough detail so I couldn't really understand it.
I liked the info in your story but there are a few sentences that last a little to long. I also liked the description of the words you used and how you used them. I felt that it all came together and made a enjoyable, easy to read story. 4.8 Star rating
I like your plot and your story line.This was a goo reed.-jack