Published October 5, 2008
My life, is breaking apart
The blood, is coming out of my heart
Graveyard- it is where I stand
The hourglass, is in reapers hands
-Now here the time goes out, the rain brings in clouds
-My heart rate has now stopped, and my body just dropped
I fade away, into the darkness
I blend myself, with the background
And slowly, am being forgotten
By everyone, by everyone I knew
---Beat to the chores---
Set my heart on fire
Make my blood pressure higher
Make me crazy inside of my brain
You did this all over again
You’re going to make me feel pain
You did this all over again
-Now here the time goes out, the rain brings in clouds
-My heart rate has now stopped, and my body just dropped
The day turns from dawn to dusk
The clouds are shaped like tusk
My final words don’t exist
As I stand still I can’t resist
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140,764 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
My life, is breaking apart
The blood, is coming out of my heart
Graveyard- it is where I stand
The hourglass, is in reapers hands
-Now here the time goes out, the rain brings in clouds (do you really need the "in")
-My heart rate has now stopped, and my body just dropped
I fade away, into the darkness
I blend myself, with the background
And slowly, am being forgotten
By everyone, by everyone I knew
---Beat to the chores---
Set my heart on fire
Make my blood pressure higher
Make me crazy inside of my brain (this is a weird line)
You did this all over again
You’re going to make me feel pain
You did this all over again
-Now here the time goes out, the rain brings in clouds
-My heart rate has now stopped, and my body just dropped
The day turns from dawn to dusk
The clouds are shaped like tusk
My final words don’t exist
As I stand still I can’t resist
my final review is I think you need to focus less on the rhyming aspect and more on what the song is actually saying.
wow.
amazing
very good
wish i could write poetry like that
XD
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------i besically made a part 2 to this song just names it (((Teenage love)))- so if anyone wants to check that out your welcome too- i named it differntly to make it more interesting------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That was really painfull,but good.
And slowly, am being forgotten
You should put an I after the comma.
Wow! This is really good!
Anyway, keep those rhymes coming! This is an awsome peom. I wish I could write poems like this. It rhymed, and made since.
I did notice though, you don't have any reviews, and here we have a 2:1 thing. We prefer you have atleat 2 reviews before posting a story or poem.
But it was still great, now get to reviewing!
Brilliant! This is just...well...indescribable! Keep writing!