Published January 9, 2010
Chaos is order,
as order is chaos.
Nature against society,
neither takes Hiatus.
-
A clash between the titans,
Mother Earth versus its kin.
Man versus the universe,
in an epic duel to win.
-
And the fight goes on and on,
with fights within itself.
But one is true and one is false,
man just too blind to tell.
-
We fight ourselves to fight nature.
Diversity must be gone,
Or nature beats out our rebellious cause,
we sing our siren song.
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140,643 Literary Works • 673,577 Reviews
I find this to be a perfect anthem for equality. I love the juxtaposition of the fight between two natural forces, but the fight being unnatural. I like that it's short and simple but at the same time very powerful. You didn't use too many words, or too few words, you used just enough words to make a clear point. I loved the imagery, and I am a suckered for irony so all together this definitely struck a chord with me. I feel the struggle going on inside of you but it also rings true in its relevancy to today's society and the coming out of many Americans as something other than the cookie cutter image that society always tries to push people into. This is a time when everyone is free (er) to represent themselves for who they truly are and who they identify themselves to be. Thank you for writing this piece and definitely you keep your talent alive (not sure if you have been told that before but you definitely have a wonderful talent.
I should have used the word false.. I meant to just describe how nature's path is... well it's natural... And society, it's kinda manmade
to person above^ Those lines started with conjunctions
lolz. But I don't find that a grammatical or stylistic error.
that was a perfect ending, really beautiful.
I agree with conrad in that you seem to take a side in these lines^ and then don't go anywhere with it.
But besides that, it was a beautiful poem.
Great job and keep rhyming,
Empress
EDIT: I see what you mean, that nature was here first and society depends on its resources-- so they are in the right. But I would suggest exprpessing it a little more in your poem.
Very nice contrast...
I liked the personification of earth, and also how it details the fact that we really are her kin, just living off of her.
You started both of those sentences with... damn I forgot the words, but And & But aren't supposed to be sentence starters. Maybe I'm wrong, I spent most years of grammar class with my face in my book (Sleeping not hard studying)
Thanks for the positive feedback
Hey there!
Great, great work here. I absolutely loved it! While I read this, all I could think about was the movie Avatar, as it has a lot of this epic battle wrapped in its storyline. There was only one thing that bugged me, and it's minor:
When you say "man just too blind to tell," I think you should make "man" "man's" instead. That way your poem flows smoother, and at the same time doesn't take away from it. Other than that... Yup, I was right. Nothing. Your punctuation was good (thank you!) and the message was dramatic, yet not cliched. You get a star! Woot! Keep it up!
I like to take things from a neutral viewpoint. I take neither side but simply state the facts of what is happening. Society is a conflict with nature
Hi there 13timmy24. I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.
So, you've got something interesting here. But, I am having a hard time seeing just what side it takes. I think it takes the nature side, but I can't be quite sure of that. In my opinion, I think you need to make that quite a bit clearer. It will greatly improve this piece.
You have a good start here. You just need to tinker with it a bit. Send me a PM if you've got any questions or comments.
Good job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice