Published January 22, 2010
"Freaks" is what they're labled,
Monsters their maiden name,
Outcasts are what they really are,
Now they have a greusome fame.
-
They perform to entertain us,
Although at them we all laugh,
We throw our insecurities at them,
Our blind and hateful wrath.
-
They travel around in trailers,
But live in a fiery hell,
They wish they could be like us,
They are inside their shell.
-
I wish that I could be like them,
My talents I could share,
Aren't we all like them inside,
Our writing is our fair.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,780 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
That was amazing! Your rhyming meter was flawless. I also loved your wording! it was really deep and meaningful. I love short poems that say a lot, and you really captured that. This was definitely one of the best poems I've read all day.
--Dreamy115
Hey, Tim!
This is interesting! I'm not so sure of the last stanza, because using "I want" is kind of hinting that you're lamenting your own life, and while the narrator here seems to be doing just that, I would've appreciated this poem a little more if you made that more subtle.
Anyway! I think you have a good start here, although I would've liked to see better connectivity between the lines and stanzas here -- see, your images are fragments, a thousand of them, swimming in our heads, and you have it in you, in your hands to bridge this all together so that it's easier to understand.
June
I really like this. It flows well, but what I really like is the ending - it really made me think. Very interesting. Your rhyming is good but at times it sounds a little forced, for example here: "Although at them we all laugh," you seem to have jiggled the words around so that the line rhymed, and that's okay, it's just that the order of the words in that sentence sounds a bit weird. You also have a couple of spelling mistakes so make sure that you double-check your work. A very interesting poem, though. Great job.
I really like this. It's very ironic that I am reading a book that is about circus freaks and such haha. Very good job.
-Flower-
Whoah, I love this. Intense words and message. You're really good at this, keep writing! :]