Hockey is a sport.
It cannot be captured in these worded boundaries,
Prodded and poked at by my scalpel pen.
I cannot describe to you the moment a ball connects with the stick.
The sound.
The transfer of energy.
Perhaps, if hockey is anything, it would be a collection of verbs: hitting, sprinting, running,
pass,
breathe,
shout,
dribble,
score.
There are words,
And then there is hockey.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
That's pretty cool. I haven't ever really been into hockey and that poem made me really want to be into it while I was reading. The verbs brought emotion to it that connected it to other things, other sports, that made it relatable and made others think of their sport that they loved and at least for a short time that love transfered to hockey. My favorite part was
"I cannot describe to you the moment a ball connects with the stick.
The sound.
The transfer of energy"
Hi 123PixieAOD! Becca here for a quick review.
It is very clear that the speaker of this piece is a fan of hockey. So much so that they think it is impossible to put into words. However, when you use no words at all, give no images, it is very hard to picture what you are talking about.
I think the strongest part of this piece was, "the moment a ball connects with the stick/the sound/the transfer of energy," I thought that was beautiful.
The collection of verbs didn't really do anything for me, nor did the one-lined verbs or the ending.
I think this piece could be made much stronger if the speaker got over not being able to describe hockey. The speaker could even describe it in the best way they could, acknowledging that it is limiting.
Obviously it is your call as the author. Keep writing!