The Crucifixion

First of all, I absolutely love this. I can't really review it, but I kinda noticed... The way that you formatted it reminds me of a cross. Was that intentional?

Hey 0o0Redrum0o0,

So, to start off I loved the way that you made the poem in the victim's POV. It added a whole different feel to the poem. Obviously, the title is appropriate for the context of the poem. It also draws the reader in, giving them the, Hmmm, what's this about? kind of feeling. Secondly (Or third? I don't really know.) the rhyming was great. It didn't "switch on and off." So, usually I'd go through the poem stanza by stanza or line by line, but I'm going to change it up since the poem is rather lengthy. Starting off,

"They lead me up to The Skull.

I spy a shadow, dark and dull,

Silhouetted by the setting sun.

This is the day that I’m truly done. "

So, already I can assume the poem is being written in 1st person, from the victim's POV. I see a good rhyme pattern, some alliteration in the 3rd line, and even a little suspense. Overall, no fault. Moving on,

We crest the ridge, my guards and I.

One log points up to the crimson sky,

The other points both left and right.

I want to flee from my awful plight.

I really like the way you described this. You said that one log was pointing upwards to the sky, and the other two left and right. That's a really creative way to describe a cross. I've never thought of it that way before. Also, when you described the sky, you said it was crimson. As if imagining the blood before the prisoner was crucified.

One cross lays flat on the ground with a crowd of people just waiting ‘round.

They shove me forwards and send me stumbling. I can only curse in quiet mumbling.

Then I’m knocked down to my knees and stretched flat despite my muffled pleas.

Nails are driven through my wrists and feet. I can feel my salty blood’s sickly heat.

I cry out in agonizing pain. I beg for mercy but in vain. They look at me with such disdain.

Wow. The way you said this overall was a wonderful picture of imagery. I can imagine him stumbling to the cross, to the place of hid death. I can feel his heart pounding in his thin chest, almost ready to stop forever. I hear his pleading and begging for one simple act of kindness and mercy. I see the sticky, wet, red blood flow down his hands and feet as nails are driven through his tender skin. I hear his screams of pain and shock as they settle into place. Pain.

The cross is erected under the ominous sky

For all to see when they walk by.

I can only watch my red blood

Trickle down the cross and into the mud.

I haul myself up to swallow air

But the pain is almost too much to bear.

The cycle continues for hours on end;

Pull up, take a breath, then again descend.

Here I see people walking back home, seeing the dreaded, dark, hanging dungeon on that cold, merciless hill of shame. They see the blood, some now black, they see the pitiful mess of a human hanging there, helpless. Fighting for air in the midst of all the pain, struggling for hours on end. Loved that segment, however the last line was a bit confusing to me. Descend to where? Pull up? Okay, last but certainly not least,

But the guards grow tired of my constant moan.

Darkness falls with the crack of bone.

They break my legs so I can no longer rise.

My lungs no longer breathe, and my body soon dies.

And so was my crucifixion at that dark mount.

Then etched in stone is my death’s account.

Um, yeah it just deleted all I had typed for this segment, and I can't control z it back...
So, here it is in a nutshell. The 2nd line was absolutely perfect. As was the last. It was a great way to end such a beautiful piece of literature. Sorry I don't have the patience to re-type all of that again. Anyway, keep writing my friend.

-FCS

Nymix: a not so formal review.

A very good portrayal of a victim's point of view, it's almost painful to read because I find myself trying to relate to the works and digest the words. No grisly, ghastly, gloomy, or any of the 'g' adjectives are lost on this story of a person facing such punishment, with no happy ending. I'm not one for correcting punctuation, not only because i'm no scholar but because the content is more important to me than the clarity, and I feel you clarified this piece exactly how you wanted to. I also have to say that my absolute favorite part, purposefully done or not, is the fact that you have managed to shape the poem itself into a cross, using words. Some may not appreciate the little things like that as I do, but it adds to atmosphere you have created here. Wonderful work, hope to see more and thank you for sharing.

P.S. Bonus points for the rhythm and rhyme

O_O this had so much depth to it the pome was really good and had lots of history to it I loved it a lot. I liked the line "Darkness falls with the crack of bone" it was gory but not over done. I liked the last verse it had a certain "punch" to it. Ummm I think you certainly have a really knack to for pomes keep going

Oh, man. Crucifixion definitely was a gritty, ugly form of torture/execution, and I think this poem really communicates that. I think it's interesting how it rhymed - this makes the poem sound a little more lighthearted despite its gruesome subject.

"Darkness falls with the crack of bone" is probably one of my favorite lines. I like how it so vividly foreshadows the inevitability of death for our poor narrator. And the last line, "Then etched in stone is my death's account" is fitting as the poem ends on a sense of finality but also a sense of everlasting stigma, the idea that this narrator died in shame and disgrace.

You don't make the poem overly wordy, but its simplicity belies its complexity. It definitely gives me something to think about beyond just what you are stating outright.