Young Writers Society

HEELLO Anonymous,
Hell. I'm guessing you have your reasons to pray to see hell. I've never particularly had a dream of hell before, but I'm curious to know how it feels. From what you've described, it's not a lovely place. Opposite of heaven, that's for sure.
This post is like a warning for all readers. Some people may not even warn anyone- they're too afraid to even mention the word. Other's don't believe in hell or the afterlife and stuff like that. Therefore, there would be different interpretations of this post.
The theme kind of changes from the beginning to the end of the passage. It started from a personal experience to a message to readers. This makes the post kind of...odd? I can't find the word. This turned from a story to a warning to readers. The shift makes the post confusing.
Still, hell is an interesting topic to discuss. A tip- you could add more descriptive details here and there to make your post more realistic!

Heaven and hell,

Night Kaizer

Hi there Anonymous! Niteowl here to review.

Overall, I do think you have an interesting beginning with the idea of praying to see Hell. It brings up a lot of questions...why would someone pray to see Hell? What are they expecting to see? It's definitely a concept that could be explored and be very interesting.

However, I don't feel like this piece does this. Besides the numerous grammatical and spelling errors, the tone reads like a chain letter. In addition, the description of Hell itself is rather stereotypical and not terribly convincing. At best, I can assume that the speaker had a bad dream.

If you wanted to do more with this concept, I would move away from the typical imagery of Hell, perhaps into the stories of individuals who ended up there. Do they know how they ended up there? Was it something they intentionally did? Or maybe they were just trying to survive? Or maybe you could go through the structure and levels of hell a la Dante's Inferno.

Overall, there's a lot of potential in the idea of describing Hell, but the current piece is rather shallow. I would focus on finding a new angle on this idea. Welcome to YWS and keep writing!

This is definitely an odd piece, I don't quite understand what your intention was for this piece.Im going to review it anyway.

"On the night of 31/12/26 I was getting ready for bed and I nealed down on my bed said a silent prayer"

The date would`ve been more effective if you`d written it in full, and you`ve also spelt `nealed` wrong, `knealed`.

` woke up scared and horrified by what I've just seen`
You`ve mixed your tenses up, it should read `I woke up scared and horrified by what I`d just seen`
You use the word `cuz`which totally changes the feel of the text.
I don't know wether this was joke or not,some of it was good.Good luck next time.

I'll be completely honest and say that it sounds like a five year old wrote this.

I'll be completely honest and say that it sounds like a five year old wrote this.