Published October 12, 2011
hollow...
I feel hollow inside.
Like a deep, empty space
that is locked up and
hidden inside me.
The passion I once felt
is gone,
The imagination, the truth
the love, the hope.
Everything that was once
valued.
Once held dear,
just evaporated.
Gone.
I feel like I am
Searching for something,
But, it stays just out
Of reach.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
This is a very interesting format for a chapter. Since it seems to be a poem, I'll be reviewing it as such.
The first thing you might want to do is change the spacing. If you go into the Edit screen, down at the bottom you'll see some Special Formatting options. Selecting Poem should get rid of the extra spaces that snuck in between each line.
Right now, the spacing makes this poem not very nice-looking, which in turn makes it not very fun to read.
Another thing I I noticed was how every single line is capitalized, and how some of the line breaks just don't make sense. For example:
Why was the line broken at "valued"? The rest of the poem breaks lines at more natural pauses, so this abrupt break feels off. Also, capitalizing the start of every line, unless the poem is in a set form like a sonnet, makes the poem look like it was written by an amateur.
I'm assuming this poem is written from a character's point of view. Right now, the impression I get of that character is that they're a rather whiny and angsty teen, and not particularly interesting in how they whine and angst. If some of the images in the poem were a bit more unique rather than cliched and trite, the poem would give off more of an impression that the character is the lonely and artistic type.
In poetry, how things are said reveals a lot about the person, when the how is not common. You have a potentially very interesting way of characterizing your character using this poem, but right now, I'm not seeing very much characterization unless you were aiming for the stereotypical emo type.