
So, I've NEVER and I mean it when I say NEVER wrote a poem before...EVER! But, I'm feeling a little perky and daring so I thought, what the heck, I'll just write one. So here it is....
Forbidden love is the apple you cannot bite,
The skin you cannot touch,
And the air you dare not breath.
It is the song you cannot sing,
The lips you cannot taste,
And the dream you dare not dream.
It is the harmony you cannot hear,
The fragrance you cannot smell,
And the light you dare not see.
Oh, how I long for my forbidden love.
Oh, how it calls for me.
So there it is *hides her face* I hope you all like it
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This is pretty good for a complete beginner I have to say. It didn't rhyme, but it didn't really need to and I like the way you associated all the senses with Love. Magnifying it. Well done, keeping writing poems, the more you do it the better you'll get!
You have me longing for a forbidden love too. I liked, no loved your poem. You're a natural
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Good job! It was really cute! Most poems get boring at the end but yours didn't. Keep writing!
Now, I never EVER read poems (until now that is). I never liked them unless they were in the form of lyrics to a song. I'm not a poet, I like to read novels and short stories.
BUT, I must say I really LOVE this one. I think you just got me interested in something I never thought I'd like. You're poem is simply beautiful. I am currently undergoing a very hard, torturous affair right now, and after reading this, I couldn't agree more.
You're first paragraph thingy (sorry, I don't know what it would be called. Never bothered with this stuff before) really hits the spot on the physical restrictions of a forbidden love. While every paragraph thingy has at least one line that could be taken in a physical sense, I believe this one really gets to me. In a forbidden love, you feel many things, including the occasional lust. You desire the forbidden body, the comfort, the solace it offers.
Your second paragraph thingy seems to be more focused on the emotional level of love. I never really was good at explaining emotional things, as I have always secluded myself from expressing my emotions or partaking in listen to others rant about their emotions. But in my personal view of the emotions that love offers (sorry for not explaining in more detail), I believe this restricts love. It makes it... Dare I say it... Forbidden (Heh heh)
The rest seem to sort of blend the first two together.
I'm terribly sorry if this review isn't what people expect it to be, but I simply love your poem and couldn't go on my way without saying SOMETHING. PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU: Keep me posted on future poems that you conjure up! This is simply amazing. It's hard to believe that this is your first poem. Too good.
Are you serious! This is the first poem you've written!? Well then this is really, very good. You've got a good structure, you used punctuation, made a good flow and you "show" instead of "telling" - All of these things are things things beginners usually miss and the fact that you've grasped it all is very impressive!
I love the simplicity of the poem, and yet it is very descirptive and vivid! All together, I really loved it and if this is really your first poem I can't wait to see what your poetry is like when you've done a few and developed as a poet!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Well, I guess that's it then. And I also guess you can write poetry. Well done.
Awesome. i dont read poems that don't rhyme ether but im hooked on this
Not bad but I think you should make it deeper. I don't usually like poems that don't rhyme but this one isn't half bad
Keep up the good work!
Congratulations! The Lord has blessed you with a successful post! ( I liked your prayer at the begining too)
I really really really LOOOOVED this!! Emensly! It's amazing. Short, sweet, and true. I can't beleve this is your first poem! It's amazing!
Keep on writing!
-Ruth
How can you not like this? It's amazing! Creative, good, amazing!
short, sweet and it get's your point across effectively without having to glamourise it with long, winding words. very well done!
It wasn't too bad. As far as poems go i liked it.
C.S.
Enjoyed this. A little predicatable, yes, but I could relate, and that's what poetry is about, I think.
Very good, keep up the good work! (:
Invisible hugs to you all for such lovely reviews, never did I expect to get so many, and such positive ones too! I actually wrote this to compliment a story I'm working on. In it there are two character's who love each other but know that they can never be together. Anyway, love you all, and thanks again x
Short, sweet, and to the point!
It's a winner in my book!
On the other hand, it's a bit... of a tiring subject.
And, the phrasing is a bit... predictable.
Still, I like it!
*Sniff*
I don't think everyone can say this, because I don't know about everyone on here, but I can really relate to this in a sort of weird and off way.
Anyway, it was kind of sad to me, because I took my own interpretation on it and so I'm like, ":(" at the end of it.
But-!!! That doesn't mean I didn't like it. On the contrary, for a first time, I thought it was wonderful. I was mentally prepared for something far worse, since you said it was your first time writing a poem, so I was happy to find that it wasn't bad at all. And was, in fact, quite good. : )
I found this very passionate. The title corresponded to the theme which I found to be extremely helpful. The language is short but sweet, and leaves you wanting a bit more. A part of me wishes this was not a poem but something longer, however I found this quite enjoyable to read although the last line is somewhat cliche. With that said, sometimes playing along to cliches work in your favour and this is no exception. Ultimately very well written, descriptive, and dare I say, sultry by writing standards. Remember, the journey of a thousand pages begins with the first word.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky
Ok. Flower here and I will be your reviewer for the evening.
Well, first off this is very nice to be your first poem. The first poem I wrote was truly awful, so I give you credit for writing something good.
I think that it is very, what is the word, plain though. There isn't anything particularly important about it. It doesn't tell why the love is forbidden, it doesn't really tell us anything about the story. I think you should tell us more about the forbidden love, and show us a new side of you. Why do you want the forbidden love?
Besides that I really think you did a good job. Keep writing and excel to new heights in your writing. If you need anything feel free to pm me.
-Flower-
Alright, I agree with everyone else...I NEVER would have guessed that this was your first poem ever. So don't hide your face, you did a really good job, I'm not even the slightest bit kidding. I also agree with all of the words you used to describe the love that is forbidden, as it feels like that to everyone else. How it feels like everything is out of reach. You did an amazing job, and I think you should write some more and post them on here because it's honestly amazing.
-Street Rat
This was a nice poem, especially for your first try. Your imagery was nice, and you had good metaphors and similes. However, it did feel a slight bit repetitive at times. On the other hand, I loved the theme and the way you ended the poem. Keep at it~bluewaterlily.
Hello there
)
This was actually not bad at all for a first try, in fact I would have NEVER guessed. I liked the parts where you used "dare not" in the last lines of the stanzas, nice touch.
I was a bit disappointed with the last stanza or last two lines...(alright, I'm known for hijacking people's ideas so bear with me
Maybe you could have emphasized more on how you absolutely live for what you can't have, "forbidden". you know. display that bad girl side of you and how you don't care; to extend the last two lines a bit and give the poem a dramatic action packed, thought provoking ending!
Good job anyhow, and continue writing poems
I agree with the others, this is a really great poem- and I wouldnt have guessed it was your first, either.
And you made the poem flow really nice, I started singing it in my head.
There is no rhyming, which I like, because I hate rhyming haha
And its really straight-foward, I like it alot.
-fRiEs
Wow!
this is great!! expesaly for your first poem!!! I really like how you use all you sences to describe the forbide love!!! It's great!!! 
Wow... I have to say, I really like this!
... You say you haven't written before? If you had not of said that I would not have guessed that! I would be quite interested to see what else you can come up with.
I'm not usually into poems that don't rhyme, but you made it work *Two thumbs up*